His eyes narrowed a little and his lips flattened. ‘That is what I wanted. I thought it was what I wanted more than anything, but it turns out, the price was too high.’
‘Price?’
‘I can’t do this.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I won’t do this. To you, Annie. I won’t do this to you.’
Her heart stammered now, fast and irregular. What was he saying? ‘It’s already done. We’re married. We have a contract.’
‘That doesn’t mean anything.’
Her jaw dropped. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘We can change the contract.’
She felt weak enough to pass out. She’d wanted to goad him into a response, but she’d never thought it would be this. ‘Is that what you want?’
His eyes closed, and when he spoke, his voice was low and gruff, loaded with accusation. ‘What I want is to have never met you.’
‘How can you say that?’ she whispered, staring at him across the room, body trembling. It hurt so badly, she had to lift a hand and press it to her chest, to stop her heart from splintering through her skin. ‘What have I ever done to you, Theo? What have I ever done to deserve that?’
A muscle jerked in his jaw, but she was too angry now, too angry to even think about what she was saying. The words just tumbled out of her, drawn by emotion. ‘All I have ever done, from the moment we met, is love you,’ she shouted. ‘I have loved you since I was eleven years old. I loved you when I was thirteen, fifteen, eighteen and begged you to kiss me—’
‘On a dare,’ he interrupted.
‘Yes, they dared me to do it, but that’s not why I asked. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you. Just like when I was twenty-one and begged you again. I have loved you always—’
‘You walked away from me.’
‘But I never stopped loving you,’ she roared, shaking all over. ‘I loved you even when I came to you in Sydney. When you suggested this marriage, I knew, deep down, that for me, it was something I actually wanted, because of how I felt about you. I couldn’t admit it to myself, not when you were so angry with my father, but every single day, I have come to understand my heart, and now, I see it. I love you. And yet you stand there and tell me I am the bane of your life?’ Tears ran down her cheeks but she refused to wipe them away, to say anything to him.
‘I never asked you to love me,’ he responded, his voice the opposite of hers—cold and calm.
‘You didn’t have to ask. That’s not how it works.’
‘I neverwantedyou to love me,’ he said instead.
‘Then what the hell were we doing back then, Theo? I fought with my parents over you, I fought for you. My mother had a heart attack in the middle of one of those fights. But I fought with them because I thought… I thought you loved me, too.’
He turned his back on her, his shoulders moving with the force of his breath.
‘You told me I was special.’
He whirled back to face her. ‘You are special. That has nothing to do with whether or not I love you, or want to be loved by you. We never had a future.’
Her jaw dropped and her knees felt impossibly weak. She moved to the edge of the bed and sat down, her knees no longer able to support her.
‘I thought you understood,’ he said, darkly. ‘And I thought we could play this game without either of us getting hurt. But Iam hurting you, every day of this marriage, and knowing that is cutting me to pieces. I do not want to live like this.’
She blinked across at him, her heart shifting in her chest. ‘Cutting you to pieces?’
‘I’m not a total bastard, Annie. I don’t want you to suffer. Not because of me.’ He frowned. ‘Not because of anyone. I want you to be happy—I’ve always wanted that. Don’t you get it? That’s why I wish I’d never met you—I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. Ashamed of who I am to you.’
‘Are you hearing yourself?’ she demanded, standing up again and pacing across to him. ‘You hate seeing me upset, you want me to be happy. Yet you think you don’t feel something for me? You think you don’t love me?’
His eyes swept shut.
‘Do you really think you suggested this marriage just to get back at my dad? Or is it that deep down, it’s what you really want, too, but don’t want to admit to yourself?’
His jaw shifted as he ground his teeth. ‘I’ve never wanted marriage.’