He was still chuckling as we hung up.
I parked, grabbed my bag, and opened the back door to unhook Vader. As soon as he leaped out of the SUV, he sprinted for the hills behind the station.
“Stay out of the skunk den!” I hollered after him, striding toward the back door.
Usually, talking with Dad had me starting my day on a good note. Today, it had rattled me in multiple ways. I felt unsettled as I jogged up the back stairs.
The old firehouse had been fully renovated just before I was hired, bringing the building into this century while holding on to its earlier roots. The first-floor equipment had been upgraded, with a full gym and showersbeing added, and the second-floor living quarters had been completely refreshed in a way that perfectly blended the work we did with the family we’d created here.
Upstairs, most of the budget had gone into the great room, where the kitchen had been modernized and the living area outfitted with a solid gaming and entertainment setup. The designer had kept as much of the original brick and stone as possible, pairing it with modern tones of steel and granite. The little money that had remained had been used to put a fresh coat of paint on the bedroom walls and wax the wood floors in the two offices at the back.
The chief took one of those offices, leaving Mike Stone and me, the shift captains, to share the other, which was where I headed first, flinging my bag onto the leather chair behind my desk. I’d just reached for the stack of messages waiting for me when Nattingly’s voice drifted in from the open doorway across the hall.
“We’ll post the job on the state and national fire service websites, and by the end of the month, we’ll have more applicants than we know what to do with.”
A pause.
“No, no. I’m sure. Stoney doesn’t have the educational requirements, and Romero isn’t settled down enough yet. Give him another five years, add a wife and a family to his list of qualifications, and he’d be the perfect candidate. But I can’t wait any longer. Rose and I have given enough to this town. We need to start checking things off our bucket list while we still can.”
My stomach bottomed out, not only because the conversation sounded so much like the one I’d just had with my father, but because of the chief’s words about me.
I wasn’t in the running for the job. They weren’t even going to consider me. They were planning on hiring externally because they’d sized me up and found me wanting.
Not because I lacked the education or experience, but because I was missing a fucking wife?
Fury welled.
An old and familiar smoke filled my lungs, stealing my breath.
What in the hell did a wife have to do with being able to run this department?
Absolutely nothing.
Especially a wife who would only end up leaving. A wife who wouldn’t stick when things got tough but would take off to follow her own dreams at your and your son’s expense. A wife who nearly murdered your son bysetting fire to your home for the insurance money. And then, when it couldn’t be proven she’d done just that, she took you for half of everything you owned in the divorce, including the small farm that had been in your family for three generations.
That’s what a wife had done to my dad, what a mother had done to me.
I coughed, trying to clear ash and fumes that were nothing more than residues of childhood trauma.
Dad had barely recovered, barely found what he thought was love again, when Liza had torn out our hearts all over by giving up her life in Swift Rivers to build schools in Bolivia. She’d chosen hundreds of kids over me. Over Dad.
Our story wasn’t the only example of marriages and relationships that ripped apart more than they healed. Maisey’s mom had died, and her dad had failed to pick up the pieces for her and her sister. Fallon’s parents had all but abandoned her until murder had pulled them together. Hell, even Nattingly’s marriage had almost come apart at the seams when he’d been caught one too many times with his pants down in someone else’s bedroom.
Who the fuck washeto tellmeI couldn’t do the job because I didn’t have a woman with my ring on her finger standing next to me?
Screw. That.
I almost stormed into his office and spewed those angry words. Almost threw my shield on his desk and told him to find another stupid guinea pig to twirl in a cage. I’d find another department. Another place to get the job I wanted.
But just the thought made that bile in my stomach roil. Starting over somewhere else meant being back at the bottom of the seniority ladder. Meant I’d be the last considered for an internal promotion rather than the first. It meant leaving the town I’d grown to love and my dad.
It meant leaving Maisey.
Just thinking her name had my mind coming to a full stop. Had a crazy-ass idea leaping into my head. One that caused every breath to leave my body once more.
It was an impossible, stupid, fraught-with-pitfalls idea I knew I’d regret.
That might end up costing me the one friend who’d never abandoned me.