And I was here . . . without him.
It was hours later before I finally climbed out of bed. My family thought I was ill, but my red, swollen eyes would not fool them if I came down to visit. If only I could escape to see Harriet. I knew her words would soothe me. But would her husband let me in?
I stewed over the decision for a few minutes more before making up my mind to at least try. Hurrying from my room, I nearly collided with Mr. Clodwick at the top of the stairs.
“Good day, Miss Delafield.”
“Good day.” I took a step back and clutched my chest to slow the fright the sudden encounter had caused. I had forgotten all about Mr. Clodwick and his presence in the house. Such a realization made me feel like a terrible person.
“Any word from Lady Farthington this morning?” he asked.
“Lady Farthington?” I stared at him, my annoyance flaring. Did he not worry about my health? My swollen features? “No, I haven’t had a single word.”
“That is a shame. I thought she would respond as soon as your father gave her my note.”
My foot tapped beneath my skirt. For weeks I had smothered my irritation for this man, but this morning it was beyond my capacity. “I cannot tell you if Lady Farthington gives a hoot about your note. If I were you, I would forget all about her or any private tour. She does not easily forgive—I should know. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have animportant errand to run.” I stalked past him, deciding once and for all to be done with the man. Without Rowan, no amount of writing freedom was worth Mr. Clodwick’s selfish tendencies. He was far too single-minded for me to want any part of him reproduced in my future children. The very thought made me shiver with disgust.
On my ride to Harriet’s, I prayed that fortune would smile on me and let this be the day she accepted callers. I knocked on her door and waited with bated breath.
The door swung open, and the butler smiled.He smiled!“Please, come in, Miss Delafield.”
I blinked in a stupor for a moment, hardly believing my good fortune. The butler led me into her sitting room, where the melodic vibrations of a harp filled the room with sweet music.
Harriet stood from behind the large instrument, passing the expensive furnishings and heavy damask drapes the color of the Royal Navy to greet me with a hug. “I just sent my maid to fetch my bonnet so I might visit you. How did you know to come?” When she pulled back, her eyes widened. “Arabella, are you ill?”
“Just in spirit,” I said with a weak laugh. “How is it that you can play your music again? And how can you have visitors today?”
Harriet directed me to the sofa and sat beside me. “It’s all thanks to your Mr. Ashworth.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He wrote to my in-laws and now Mr. Lawrence has to allow me more freedoms. They threatened his inheritance if they heard of any mistreatment. Apparently, they want the absolute best for the mother of their future heir. Isn’t it wonderful? So much has changed for the better almost overnight.”
“Mr. Ashworth did that?” I stared in awe. That man never ceased to surprise me.
She grinned. “Perhaps he is not as terrible as you once thought.”
She knew my heart had been softening, but she would be surprised to learn how far I had fallen for the man. “I have much to tell you.” I shared in confidence about his confession, about his reading work, about how I had promised to meet him and had overslept.
“Is this not the worst scenario imaginable?” I felt my eyes welling once more with tears.
“I don’t know. If it was so terrible, then why do I feel jealous?”
“Of me?” I snorted. “What an absurd notion! I care for a literary critic who once had a very strong and scarring opinion about my writing. I care for him so much, and yet the opportunity to tell him about my books is gone. The whole situation is maddening.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps, but you are experiencing something I have only dreamed about.”
“What do you mean?”
Her smile turned wistful. “Falling in love.”
Fall? Yes, and it was enough to break me.
I blinked rapidly, but the tears escaped just the same. I took a handkerchief out of my reticule and dabbed at my eyes. “If only I had asked my maid to wake me. Now it might all come to naught.”
Harriet reached for my hand. “It could, but without the risk, you will never reap the reward. Don’t miss this opportunity. For my sake, Arabella. Do for yourself what I cannot do.”
“Oh, Harriet.”