“I leave at first light.”
Her eyes bored into mine. “I’ll find you before you go.”
I gave her a subtle nod just as Mr. Clodwick and Elizabeth rounded the corner.
“Miss Delafield, I regret I must turn in for the night,” Mr. Clodwick announced. “I missed my nap today on account of my correspondence, and I find I am too tired to continue. May I walk you back to the house?”
Arabella’s smile pulled tight. “That would be nice.”
Her gaze flicked to mine just as she took Mr. Clodwick’s arm and disappeared back around the corner. I hated seeing her walk away with that man. Loathed it. He did not deserve her.
I did not deserve her.
But I would. I would dedicate the rest of my life to earning the privilege to be by her side, if she would let me. I doubted Mr. Clodwick would do anything for her at all.
Elizabeth gave me a commiserating look. “I stalled as long as I could.”
I nodded, my smile tight and forced. “I will be forever grateful to you.”
“I suppose I should be grateful to you as well. I rather like the idea of a romance that my parents approve of.”
I had not expected her admission. “Do you, really?”
She smiled. “It’s not nearly as fun, but it has me reconsidering my future.”
Mr. and Mrs. Delafield joined us a moment later. Mrs. Delafield seemed entirely in her element out of doors, though I rarely saw her outside. “The Masons chose to follow the others back to the house but will rejoin us shortly. They told us not to wait for them. Shall we proceed?”
Elizabeth feigned a yawn. “I am suddenly overtired and think I will turn in for the night as well.”
“Shall I walk you back?” I asked.
She was already retreating. “Don’t bother. We are not far from the house, and I will be just behind the others. Besides, I have a lot to think over.”
I hoped that meant she would finally put the groomsman from her mind. I gave Mr. and Mrs. Delafield a smile and pointed to the path ahead. “Shall we?” I kept pace a few steps behind them as we continued our night walk. For the first time all day, hope lightened my step.
Chapter 26
Arabella
Ioverslept.
The small, rosewood clock on my fireplace mantel read a quarter to eight. One would think that my anxiety and anticipation for this morning’s conversation with Rowan would have kept me awake all night. Instead, I had felt more restful than I had in weeks, thanks to the conclusion I had reached last night.
I had planned to tell Rowan about my writing and make him swear to never read a word I had written. If he could agree, I would be able to make peace with my past and allow myself to truly love him. For love was what I was sure was brewing inside me.
But now it was too late.
He was gone.
I dug my fingers into my hair and squeezed my eyes shut. How had this happened? Why now when I couldn’t stop thinking of him and I longed to be near him? I had started to believe that our parents had been right all along, and that Rowan was the only one capable of making me happy. I had thought it was my writing, but that night with Rowan in the library, when his lips had brushed the corner of my mouth, had surpassed any fulfillment any words had ever brought me.
Tears coursed down my cheeks. I hadn’t wanted to depend on people. I desired to be like Penelope Waters from my story and save myself. But Rowan’s plea last night had stayed with me: Can we not sort it outtogether? With him, I believed that happiness could be twice what I had been capable of on my own.
If he would only make me that one simple promise.
Now I would never know.
He was well on his way to London.