I’d had one ultrasound in my life, but it was never to see a baby. It was to check on one of my ovaries when I’d been in pain that wouldn’t stop.
This was more nerve-racking.
“So, you said your last period was in October,” she said as she read my chart. “But it may not have been a period?”
“Yes.”
“I think we can try not doing an internal ultrasound, but we may have to. Sorry if we do.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “Whatever you need to do.”
She took another look at me. “Are you okay?”
“Um, no.” At least I answered honestly.
“Honest. I like that. Did you want kids?”
“Yeah, I did. Not like this, but life doesn’t always go the way we think it should, does it?”
“Not at all, but take some time if you need it. I can come back.”
This was why I loved this practice. Everyone treated me like a person.
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. Let’s get this over with.”
Lying on the bed, I lifted my shirt and let her put cool jelly on the exposed skin. She pressed the wand against my stomach, and within seconds, the side profile of a baby appeared on the monitor.
Holy shit.This was real. That was a real baby.
“Yep, you’re definitely pregnant.”
“How far along? Are they okay? Do I need to get the anatomy scan now?”
April only smiled. “All good questions, but the doctor will be the one to answer most of them. I’ll just get a few pictures and we’ll get you in an exam room. We might be able to know the gender today, if you want to.”
I let out a laugh. “I ... seriously, today?”
“Yep. You’re far enough along.”
I didn’t even know this was happening until twenty-four hours ago. I shook my head. “I can’t ... I mean, not yet. I might wanna know after I can accept things.”
She nodded. “I understand. This is a lot.”
April pressed buttons, moved things around, and eventually, pulled up a new window.
The sound of a heartbeat filled the room. I’d known this was happening, but hearing that made it feel even more real.
Tears gathered in my eyes.
“Oh, shoot,” April said. “I should have given you a warning.”
I blinked them away. “Can you at least tell me if it’s good?”
She paused and then nodded. “Yeah, it’s looking good.”
“Thank you.”
A few minutes later, I was in an exam room and Dr. Anderson was already walking in. I hadn’t seen her since my last pap smear. She was a great doctor, but it felt a little like coming home to tell my parents I’d fucked up. I clutched the sonogram printout that the tech had given me like a lifeline.