“When are you going to go out with him?”
“I don’t know. Friday night,” she said, her mind splitting and coming back together quickly. “It’s really okay? I mean, it might be terrible.”
Belle scoffed, doing what Caroline had wanted to do a few minutes ago. “Please. You should’ve seen your face when you said you wanted to go out with him.”
“Oh? What did I look like?”
“Like you’re dying to see him right now. Like you won’t make it through dinner if he doesn’t show up and give you a reason to keep living.”
Caroline finally turned to look at her sister. Their eyes met, and she saw so much of herself inside Belle. The strong parts of her that she’d developed over the past few years of heartache, trauma, and healing. Belle’s were babies, while Caroline had definitely had time to build up her wells of strength. She had strategies for when she started to backslide, doubt herself, or long for something she didn’t truly want.
Belle would get there, but as Caroline looked at her, she knew she wasn’t there yet.
“I do not need him to show up before dinner so I can keep living,” she said dryly.
Belle burst out laughing, a drastically different sound than Caroline had heard her make recently. It lifted her heart and calmed her soul, and she allowed herself a small smile. Maybe she’dliketo see Dawson, but she didn’tneedto in order to keep breathing.
Belle’s fingers found Caroline’s and held on. “Really, sissy. Go out with him. Maybe it’ll be wonderful and you’ll finally find a man who’ll cherish the ground you walk on.”
“Maybe,” Caroline murmured. “It’s not like we’ll go fast,” she said. “My rule is?—”
“All four seasons and a road trip,” Belle said together with Caroline. “I know.”
“And Thanksgiving, Christmas, and both birthdays,” she said. “I’m notevergoing to have my birthday ignored again.”
“Does this Dawson know when it is?”
“Not yet,” Caroline said. “And I’m not going to tell him that what he does for me is a deal-breaker.”
“Hmm,” Belle said. “That seems unfair. Seems like you’re setting him up to fail.”
“No,” Caroline said. “That’s why you date for at least a year to get all the experiences. I want to know how he celebrates things. Him. Not me influencing him.”
“Okay,” Belle said, a heavy dose of doubt in her voice. “You know what you want, Caroline, I know that.”
“Yes,” she said as she squeezed her sister’s hand. “And it’s not Biscoff for dinner, so since you and Judy already ate, I guess I’m on my own.”
“I called you,” she said. “You didn’t pick up.”
“I was maybe in the office,” she said. “I swear, that place is a blackhole.”
“Order that Chinese food you like.”
“Ooh, good idea.”
“And go text Dawson.” Belle gave her a shaky smile that strengthened after only a minute. “I promise I won’t ruin things for you, okay?”
“It’s not going to be easy for you.” Caroline’s worry tripled, but she had a coping mechanism for this. “I know it’s not my job to make sure you’re okay,” she said quietly. “You have to make sure you’re okay. I can help by doing certain things or not doing them, for sure. But….”
“I am going to be okay if you start dating,” Belle said. “Okay? I promise I am.”
“I’m just worried.” Caroline released her sister’s hand and put her arm around her. “I know what this feels like for you, and I want to be here for you.”
“You are,” she said as she leaned into her. Belle had lost about twenty pounds in the past couple of months, and she seemed like such a shell of the person Caroline had once known and loved. Of course she still loved her, but she felt like she was getting to know her all over again.
A new, different version of her.
She took a deep breath, becoming a new, different version of herself. A woman who’d finally told her sister about a handsome cowboy who would surely kiss her properly on their first date on Friday night.