“Buffaloes.” Caroline laughed as she shook her head. “That’s not how you say it.”
“What’s the plural of buffalo?” Belle asked, and Caroline lifted her gaze to find her sister standing in the doorway, a kind smile on her face.
Judy turned toward her, her smile slipping. “Buffaloes.”
“It’s just buffalo,” Belle said. “Like deer, remember?”
“Sure,” Judy said, though she clearly didn’t remember. She skipped past Caroline and into the back yard. “Then Momma bought us cheeseburgers on the way back!” She started singing about cheeseburgers and French fries as she went through her exploration of the yard.
That left Caroline to face Belle, and as she did,something welled up in her throat. The choking sensation filled her whole mouth and ballooned up into her brain. These feelings couldn’t stay here, and with everything feeling too hot and like it might explode at any moment, she said, “I have to talk to you about Dawson.”
Belle’s expression changed from one of ease, and plural buffaloes, and a fun afternoon with her daughter, cheeseburgers, and French fries to one of surprise.
Caroline almost scoffed. Surely Belle knew Caroline had been texting him. She flipped her phone over whenever they were together, and she silenced it whenever his sound came in.
“He’s asked me out,” she said. “And I’d like to go out with him.” Those few words—how many had she spoken?—freed everything else inside her. “I know you’re going through a really hard time with Chuck and being here and wondering what your life is going to be.” Caroline held up one hand as Belle opened her mouth to say something.
Probably to deny everything Caroline had just said. But they both knew Belle had been a complete mess since she’d arrived in Three Rivers. Caroline had been praying and praying for ways to help her sister, and she’d only ever gotten one answer.
Be there.
If she dated Dawson, she wouldn’t be there for Belle.
A tear ran right down the middle of her soul, and a mighty wail came rising from it.
“I’m still going to be here,” she said. “I am. Even if I could see him once a week, I think we’d both take that. But I won’t go out with him if it’s just too much for you.” Caroline meant every word, though she immediately started praying.
Please don’t let her say it’ll be too much for her, she thought.Please, please, please. One date a week isn’t that much.
“I can go to his cabin for lunch,” she said, seizing onto the silence and injecting something into it. “You won’t even know I’m dating him.”
Belle’s surprise had melted into something else, but Caroline wasn’t entirely sure what emotion she wore now. She’d gotten good at masking how she really felt, but the moment she spoke, Caroline would know the truth. Belle could hide things on the surface, but voices came from deep within a person, and she was a terrible liar.
“How can I keep you from dating him?” Belle asked, a fair bit of anguish in her voice. “I can’t do that.” She moved closer and right into Caroline’s arms. “If anyone deserves the kind of happiness we both dream about, it’s you.”
“It’s just a first date with a cowboy,” Caroline whispered, though her afternoon, evening, and late-night texting sessions with Dawson could probably be counted as several dates. She shivered in her sister’s arms at the thought of the way he’d kissed her today.
All around her lips, but never landing on them.
“Which one’s Dawson?” Belle asked as she stepped back. She wiped her eyes as she moved past Caroline to the edge of the deck. She folded her arms, protecting herself as she watched Judy play in the yard. “Isn’t he the one you griped about for months?”
“Yes,” Caroline clipped out. “But he’s really sweet in real life, and I don’t know. I at least want to try.”
“We sat by his parents at the New Year’s fundraiser,” Belle said.
Caroline moved to her side and nodded. “Yep.”
“You disappeared with him.” Belle sounded accusatory, and Caroline’s defenses rose straight up. “You said it was a ‘lame breakfast’ though he did know how to make the hash browns you like.”
“Maybe I was trying to protect both of us.” Caroline crossed her arms too, trying to hold everything together. “I’ve never thought I’d date again. Or get married.” She didn’t need to explain more to Belle.
A new, horrible, agonizing thought filled her, drowning out what Belle said next.You don’t have to tell Belle, but you will have to tell Dawson.
He knew she’d been married, and she’d stood up to him when he’d hung up on her, but he didn’t know the whole iceberg, the knobbled, craggly ledges of ice that existed beneath the surface of a divorce.
“…go out with him?” Belle asked.
Caroline blinked. “Sorry, what?”