I don’t think I realized how scared I was until this moment. I hold on to him, feeling his soaking-wet racing clothing against mine, my cheek pressing against his cold, damp skin, knowing he’s truly okay and in my arms.
“Hey, hey, I’m okay,” Caleb says, his voice soft and reassuring as one hand cradles the back of my head. “I promise you, I’m fine.”
I continue to cry. “When I saw that car … when I thought …when you didn’t say anything …”
I left unsaid the awful thing that could have happened. I can’t speak the words. I can’t.
Caleb moves back from me and begins to wipe the tears off my face with his fingers. They’re clammy and cold, and I immediately wrap my hands over his, wanting to warm them.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I scared you like this,” he says softly. “I was in shock at first. Then I was mad. I shouldn’t have lost the car like that.”
“Are you freakingkiddingme?” I nearly shout. “That race should have been red-flagged! You were right! I’mfuriousabout it!”
One corner of his mouth lifts in an amused smile.
“I’m serious!” I say angrily.
“I know you are. And I love that you’re furious on my behalf.” Then his expression grows serious. “But you shouldn’t be here. Cameras will be circling this place. I know we have been seen together this weekend, but you being here is a big deal.”
I bite my lip. The time has come to be completely honest with him about how I feel about our situation and my feelings for him.
“Caleb, I don’t care.”
“Isla. You know how I feel about this,” he says firmly. “This is something you should be eased into, and this is not the tim—”
“No! It’s the exact right time,” I cry out. “Because Iloveyou. I love you, and I really don’t care who knows it or talks about it or judges me for it.”
Caleb stares at me, a stunned look passing over his face. My chest begins to rise and fall at a rapid rate. His eyes desperately search mine, and his lips are parted in surprise.
Suddenly, cold fear rushes through me. I’ve never seen him look so shocked.
Did I just ruin everything? Does he think I’m saying this because I’m upset?
I have to tell him. I need to tell him everything.
“I’m not just saying that because of the accident,” I say, my words coming out in a rush. “I’ve been in love with you, Caleb. I just didn’t want to tell you so soon. I know you might not be there with your feelings yet, so I don’t expect you to return them and that is oka—”
Caleb’s mouth is on mine, cutting off my sentence with an urgent kiss. “I love you,” he murmurs against my mouth. “I love you so damn much, Isla.”
I move back from him, my heart hammering in my chest. Did he actually say it? Does Caleb really love me back?
“I love you,” he says again, putting both his hands on my face. “And I’ve been in love with you, too.”
“You have?” I ask, feeling almost giddy inside.
A gentle smile lights up his face. “I have. I started falling in love with you the first day I met you, and I never stopped.”
I can’t stop smiling. I can’t.
“Then there’s no need for this slow-launch crap,” I say firmly. Caleb’s body stiffens, but I reach up and stroke one handthrough his hair to soothe him. “I have something I want to say, and I want you to listen, okay?”
He nods.
“When you didn’t respond to JP, when I was staring at what was left of your car, all I wanted was for you to be okay. I vowed that as soon as I could see you, as soon as I could talk to you, you would know that I love you. I didn’t care if you couldn’t love me back yet. I had to say those words to you because life is short. We don’t know how many days we get. All I know,” I say, my voice breaking, “is that I want to spend them with you. I want to hold your hand in the paddock. I want to get coffee at a café with you. I want to cheer you on from the garage every race week. I want to fully be yours. Not in the shadows. But in the light.”
Caleb’s blue eyes begin to grow rimmed with red. He swallows hard, but I keep speaking.
“I’m not your mum. You are not a teen. Our situation is different. After what just happened out there on that track? I don’t care WHAT people say about me. They can say I’ve slept my way into my job. That I wanted to work in motorsports to snare a driver. I don’t care. Iknowthe truth. And I’ll tell my truth. I’ll do my job. I’ll help lift up other women working in the sport. And I will love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone because I already do. That’s how I want to live. And I hope you want to live that way, too.”