“Eli.” Someone shakes me, jostling me. “Wake up.”
I open my eyes, blinking quickly, trying to focus and get my bearings, with my vision blurry and patchy. The half-closed blinds cast striped shadows across the walls.
I’m at the hospital, by my dad’s bed. The sound of the monitors and equipment beeping, the breathing apparatus puffing air in and out of Dad’s lungs.
He’s alive.
“Sorry, I must have fallen asleep,” I tell Cole, my voice groggy.
“For several hours,” he says, sounding amused, looking ready for the gym in workout gear.
Confused, I check the time on the wall: eight o’clock.
“Is it morning?”
“Yeah.”
I slept all night in this chair, as evidenced by the stiff neck I now have. Giving it a roll one way and then the other, I dig my fingers into the muscles of my neck, then lift my arms over my head to stretch out my aching body, feeling like I’ve gone several rounds with a heavyweight boxer. Fuck, it hurts.
Not just my body, but my heart too.
“You look like shit.” Cole removes his hoodie and hangs it on the back of the door.
“I feel worse.” I deserve to feel wretched. After the things I said to Sapphire, I don’t deserve anything less.
Yesterday, I fucked up. Big.
I don’t even know what made me say what I said. That’s not me, never.
Then she told me she loved me again, and I never said it back before she stormed out of my office. I need to get home and feed Ghost, I owe her that at the very least. And an apology; she deserves the biggest one.
I tried calling her several times last night to apologize, but each time it went to voicemail. She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me, and I don’t blame her.
I was cruel.
Condemning.
She’s the best thing to have ever happened to me and I pushed her away.
Forever? I hope the fuck not. I love her and I have to tell her that. She needs to know.
“You should text Sapphire to let her know you’re safe. She’ll be worried about you.”
“I don’t think so.” I exhale, long and heavy. I find an interesting spot on the floor, unable to look at Cole, my guilt tangible enough for him to feel. “I said some things to her yesterday that I shouldn’t have.”
Cole drops into the chair next to me. “What happened?”
“I fucked up, that’s what happened, brother.” I lean forward, place my elbows on my knees and run my hands through my hair. “I… I…” I can’t even bring myself to repeat my cruel words.
Cole lays his hand on my shoulder. “You can tell me, Eli. Trust me.”
I don’t even know where to begin.
A long silence stretches between us, and I know what I’m about to tell him is the rawest and most real thing I’ve ever shared with him.
My voice drops, deep and uneven when I say, “I have something to tell you first.”
“What is it?”