“The same.” His voice is cold.
I take a mental note of how tidy his desk is.
His father’s failing health is knocking him sideways.
Knowing Max and Cole are currently by Daniel’s side, and Nathan and Arianna are home, I knew Eli would be here.
Not only does Daniel have a broken hip and nose, but the blow to his head from the fall required emergency surgery to release the pressure as his brain swelled to worrying levels, and he still hasn’t woken up from it.
The boys and Michelle take turns sitting with him, except for Nathan, because the night after Daniel’s accident, Arianna went into labor and gave birth to a little girl they named Riley, after her late sister.
It was a much-needed glimmer of good news in a dark time.
I’m craving a little hug from Riley because I only saw her in a photo Nathan showed me this morning when I visited Daniel, hoping to see Eli there, but he wasn’t.
He had already left this morning before my alarm went off.
No note left, no text to tell me he’d gone to work.
Just silence, like there is now.
He’s withdrawing from me, a heavy anchor tied around his waist, already pulling away.
“You can talk to me, you know. I’m here for you,” I say, gently.
His fingers clench around the arm of his chair, turning his knuckles deathly white before he retorts, “You can’t fix everything with words, Sapphire.”
“I know that, but it might help.” I take the seat across from him. The mood in the room makes it feel like the first night we went out to dinner. We’re back to acting like strangers.
“It won’t help. Nor will meditation, singing therapy, or doing fucking karaoke, because I have nothing to celebrate.” He raises his voice and it’s edged with steel, almost disdain for the work and activities I enjoy.
“I never said they would,” I say flatly, my feelings hurt by his character assassination and dismissing the work I do.
“But you’re thinking it. I can hear your brain working overtime, desperately trying to figure out how to fix me, help me, make me feel better, how to make me smile and skip with glee. When that’s the last thing I want, Sapphire.” There’s so much rage in his response, as he grounds out the words between his teeth, that his cutting words slice me open.
“I wasn’t thinking that.” Never. Instead, I was stepping back, holding space for him, and being here for him when he needed.
He sneers, bitterness dripping off his tongue. “I doubt that. And for the record, no sparkles or rainbows or your brightness will reach where I am.”
I flinch at his unpleasantness as something else shatters inside him, as if my warmth, light, and laughter don’t belong in the hollow he’s falling into, all my color draining from my cheeks.
He sees me turn pale, and a look of shock crosses his face because he knows he can’t take back what he just said, as if realizing how even the brightest things can fade when pushed too hard.
The air turns chilly between us as I stand up, my happiness shrinking with each tick of the clock on the wall.
“I have to go.” I should have been on the road two hours ago. “I’m driving to my parents’ tonight.” Eli was supposed to be driving, but with his father unwell, Mistee loaned me her car for the weekend.
“Fine.” His voice sounds like an empty tomb.
Fine.
There’s nothing fine about any of this.
I was excited for him to meet my parents for the first time, and since I haven’t seen them in almost six months, I decided not to cancel and to go alone.
Eli pulls himself into his desk, gets to work, and keeps his eyes on the screen instead of me.
“So, I’ll see you when I get back.” I try to sound okay when I feel anything but.