His fingers shook and I twitched, desperate to fix it for him. But I couldn’t. What we had, who we were, it was forever broken by what I’d done, and I knew if I touched him right now, he’d boot me off the damn roof, a fate I deserved, but couldn’t let come to pass.
Liliana.
She needed me.
Whatever happened on this roof, I had to survive it.
Embry finished rolling the blunt. He held it between two fingers, glaring fire at it. Then he crushed it to smithereens and swung, ready to pound the wall into dust with his fist.
I snatched his arm. “Don’t. Please. I can’t watch you bleed.”
A strangled sound escaped him. He tried to wrench free of my hold, but I couldn’t let him go, even if he punched me in the face with his other hand.
He didn’t.
He whipped around and kissed me instead, a wild clash of mouths that threw me off balance, toppling me backward and yanking him on top of me. Embry kissed me until I didn’t know which way was up.
Then he tore himself free, venom and hurt flashing in his gaze. “It shouldn’t be like that now. Kissing you should make me fucking sick, but it doesn’t, and Ihateyou for it.”
He spat the words at me, then scrambled off me, stumbling towards the edge of the roof.
I reared up and caught him again. “I’m sorry, Em. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Embry fought me, fists flying like they had the night we’d first kissed. But he was stronger now, he was whole, even if he didn’t believe it some days, and I couldn’t contain him. His knuckles barrelled into my scabbed eyebrow, and I let him go.
I smelt blood. It was a familiar scent to me, but one that had triggered Embry since he’d been stabbed. We’d got away with it on the road, too entranced by the inferno blooming between us, but out here on the roof, with nothing but lies and half-truths, it hit him, and his stormy eyes blanked out, a split second, but a hundred miles of distance.
“Em.”
Nothing.
“Em.”
Embry blinked, returning to earth, but no relief eased his chaotic gaze. He backed up until he hit the chimney wall, then he slid down it. “You’re not real.”
He muttered so quiet I barely heard him. I took a chance and ventured closer, dropping to a crouch beside him, my legs shaky and weak. “I’m real.”
“You’re not.” Embry’s shoulders collapsed in defeat. “I gave my darkest fucking secrets to a man who doesn’t exist. Mother of fuck, I let youinside my bodyand I have no clue who you are.”
No one else knew what that meant to him. What a privilege it had been. What a gift. And now it lay in ashes at my feet, and I couldn’t regret it because lying to him had kept him and Liliana alive. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Yeah. You said.” Embry stared at the blood dripping down my face and sighed. “It’s not okay for me to hit you.”
“Even if I deserve it?”
“What would you do if Nash punched Orla?”
“It’s not the same.”
Embry closed his eyes, leaning back against the chimney. “You should go. Be with your kid before she leaves again.”
“She’s asleep.”
“So?”
So nothing. But with Embry’s kiss still bruising my lips, I wasn’t going anywhere. I sank back from my crouch to sit down. My face throbbed where he’d decked me, but it was a whole-body thrum that had less to do with his fists and more to do with the implosion the last few hours had brought.
Was I even awake right now?