“You didn’t know I was going to do it the first time,” Cam countered. “I could’ve been anyone.”
“Perhaps I wanted that too. I was leading a boring life. A burglar would’ve been entertaining.”
“Jesus Christ,” Rubi muttered. “Mats, if you wanna just go ahead and have that nervous breakdown, I don’t think anyone’s gonna mind.”
He was going for... levity, maybe? But I found no humour in the pit of my stomach. Wherever my kid landed, it had to be more than safe. Alexei liked neat and tidy things, but I’d never been to his city crash pad, and to my knowledge, he didn’t much these days either. “Is it safe for a kid? There ain’t no guns in the kitchen cupboards, right?”
Alexei shrugged, toying with me.
Suddenly Saint was at my shoulder, his palm warm on my arm. “It’s safe, brother. And anything they need, we’ll get.”
I relaxed a fragment. Then remembered the rest of what Alexei had said to Rubi. “You’re not going to let me go with them, are you?”
Saint took his hand back and melted away, the first clue I had that whatever Cam had planned for me, he didn’t like.
The other was Embry at my back, not close enough for me to see him, just enough that I knew he was there.
Cam watched Saint and Embry switch it up and grimaced. “I can’t, brother. For one, it’ll make it too obvious that we have what Esteban wants. For another, Alexei’s right. We need you here. If Sambini ramps things up, I need every soldier I have on the ground.”
“Who, then? We can’t leave them there alone.”
“I know.” Cam glanced over my shoulder and his wince deepened. He looked to Rubi instead. “What about you? Would keep your neurologist happy if you weren’t throwing hands every night. My little brother too.”
Rubi’s expression shuttered. “Trust me, your brother doesn’t give a shit what I do.”
Cam opened his mouth to argue.
“Don’t,” Rubi cut him off. “I’ll go wherever you need me and do whatever you want me to do. Just leave it at that, yeah?”
Cam shrugged. “All right.” He turned to me. “That okay with you? If Rubi goes with them? Saint and Nash will run protection from the ground, while you, Alexei, and Folk carry on flushing out Crows. I know it’s shit, but until we know what we’re dealing with, it’s all we’ve got.”
He hadn’t given Embry a job.Cos he’s gonna leave. That’s the penance for letting you stay. Em’s gonna go. He’s gonna get on that shitty fucking Tiger and roar out of your life forever.
I had no way of stopping him. I had notime. My daughter was about to be ripped from me again for who the hell knew how long. Forever, if shit went south. Embry owned my heart, but Liliana was the only living reason I had one.
“Hey.” Rubi stood and came to my side. “I’ll take care of them, I promise.”
I took his outstretched hand and let him hug me, all the while screaming on the inside as I felt Embry back up. Heard him leave as the rest of my brothers huddled around Alexei’s iPad again, murmuring plans I should’ve been fucking glued to.
“Give him some time,” Rubi murmured. “He fought for you at church, we all did. He just needs to live with it a while.”
Rubi didn’t understand. None of them did. How could they when they didn’t know Embry? Not like I did. “I’m sorry, man.”
It was all I had. Rubi rubbed my arms and said no more, just subtly inclined his head to the door, his unspoken instruction clear.Go to him.
I was in motion before it sunk in.
Outside, it was bright and sunny, a picture-perfect day for the cluster bomb the night had brought.
Embry liked the sun.
And the rain and the wind.
But he liked the sun the most. Unless he really had left, my gut knew where I’d find him.
I circled the clubhouse and climbed the drainpipe, scrambling onto the roof. He liked to sprawl out on the south side, but I found him in the shadows of the north, hunched over behind the big vent chimney, messing with Rubi’s weed tin.
He heard me coming but didn’t look up, hyper-focused on skinning up a blunt.