“You don’t have to do anything. I wanted to show you in case I couldn’t say it.” I took his hand from my ribs and laid it over my thundering heart, letting him feel the tremor in my body that had nothing to do with the cold. The roughness lacing my laboured breaths. I had nothing else to tell him. If he didn’t understand, I’d live with it.
Alexei closed his eyes, muttering something in Russian. When he opened them again, his gaze was clear. “I will sit under the water with you, wingman. And I will also tell you something if you want to understand me better.”
I waited, my fingers wrapped around his wrists, the scar on my neck still tingling from his charged touch. Despite the clutch my age-old fears had on me, the cold was beginning to dizzy me, but I’d wait forever for him, and I think he was beginning to know it.
“That night Cam took us both to his bed...” Alexei took a breath that made him shiver. “It was the first time I had taken a man in my mouth for no other reason than I wanted to. There is something between us that makes me forget my broken parts. I will try to remember that, and so should you.”
He ripped out of my grip and plunged down, disappearing beneath the icy water. I stared after him, stunned fearless. Then I followed him.
Because I always would.
14
Cam
If Alexei was surprised to find I’d broken into his Bristol penthouse, he kept it to himself. All I got from him was a droll smirk before Saint hustled him into the shower.
Why they were both blue-lipped and soaking wet, I had no idea, and I was afraid to fucking ask.
I was also afraid of the empty cupboards in Alexei’s kitchen. His bare fridge and barren freezer drawers. But I’d predicted this particular horror show and stopped by an all-night supermarket on my way here—in the SUV, because I’d had my fill of pissing him off for one day.
Saint didn’t come back. Assuming he was in the shower with Alexei, I busied myself navigating Alexei’s spotless oven and then giving up and using the hob I knew he’d at least turned on in however long he’d lived here.
I made them champ and fried eggs because I knew Saint would eat it. More than that, he liked it, and I’d given up trying to figure out what, if any, food put a smile on Alexei’s face.
Also, it was the middle of the night, so a combination of breakfast and comfort food was everything we needed.
“You make my kitchen smell like yours.” Alexei came up behind me. His chest was bare, his skin flushed warm from the shower. “It is almost like a dream. That you are here, I mean. Not that my flat smells like oil.”
“I didn’t use any oil, but okay. Why do you think I’m a dream? Had you planned on not seeing me for a while?”
“Planned?”
“You left.”
“But I am right here, no? So maybe I did not go far.”
Saint found him. And maybe not in the literal sense. “Is he still in the shower?”
Alexei nodded. “I left him there. It is hard being drawn to men in different places.”
“You think?”
“Stop bitching.” Saint slid into the room wearing clothes I must’ve left here once upon a time. They looked good on him, of course. Most things did. And I was relieved he was dressed. Looking at him had always been disarming, but since we’d fucked, I was worried it was going to give me a goddamn stroke.
“Eat.” I pushed a plate each at them both. “Nash set a meet with Sambini tomorrow night and we all need to sleep before then.”
Alexei picked up a fork and poked at the potato on his plate. “What is this?”
“Champ. It’s potato, butter, and scallions. Don’t turn your nose up at it or my ma will come haunt you.”
“Better your mother than mine.”
“Yours ain’t dead.” That I knew of. He hadn’t mentioned her since that very first time, and since then I’d thrown her only way of contacting him out of a moving car. He had a burner now and I had no clue if he’d passed on the number.
Saint watched our exchange with eyes that showed no signs of fatigue. Weirdo that he was, he seemed invigorated, gaze bright and intuitive. The fucker even smiled.
And he ate.Winner.