“No.”
“Do not make me hurt you.”
“Only seeing you upset hurts me.”
“You think I am a liar.”
“Iknowyou’re a liar. You’ve had to be to survive, but you’re not in that world anymore. You’re in mine. Death is the same, but we love you.”
We love you. Saint had never said those words to me. Were they true? In this moment, I could not say. “I thought...” I closed my eyes, hiding from Cam. “I thought you needed him and that was it. I did not know that I needed him too.”
Cam released my shoulders from his harsh clutch and slid his hand to my throat, squeezing.
I let him, arching my neck.Harder.
He obliged, then the pressure was gone and a harsh laugh escaped him. “I want to fuck this panic out of you. Fuck it out ofme, but we can’t do it alone, can we?”
I gave a slow shake of my head. Cam had become everything to me, but it was painfully clear that we needed Saint’s quiet,fiercelove to stay upright, perhaps literally.
My legs weakened. I stepped out of Cam’s grip and slid to the floor, leaning back against the wall below the window. Cam joined me, texting on his phone. I stared at the screen, but my vision was blurred. Distant. I let my head fall to Cam’s shoulder, the worst kind of disassociation descending too fast.
He rubbed his scruffy jaw on my temple. “Stay with me, Lexi. I called the fucking cavalry.”
22
Saint
I crouched in front of them, taking in Cam’s bloodshot eyes, Alexei’s glazed and distant.Did they fight?No. That made no sense. The way Cam was holding him.
Something’s wrong.
I touched his hand, his arm, his neck. Cold.How?How could anyone be cold in Cam’s arms?
Fuck this.I met Cam’s gaze and we shared an understanding that couldn’t be defined.
Help him.
Love him.
But it was more than that. Cam was immense, and Alexei was as hooked into him as I was. It scared me that Cam couldn’t reach him. That he hadn’t tried; he’d waited for me.
I took Alexei’s hand again and squeezed his fingers. “Come shower with me?”
“Hmm?”
“Shower,” I repeated. “I want you with me.”
Alexei rose mechanically from the floor.
Cam stayed where he was and I cocked a brow, but he shook his head.Leave me. I’m fine.
He was a lying liar, but I knew him well enough to trust that wherever his head was at would be far easier for him to deal with if I could bring Alexei back to earth.
Alexei was already walking away, stripping his clothes and dumping them on the floor.He never does that. How I thought I knew his every habit and nuance, I had no idea, but I was right. Heneverdropped his clothes on the floor and left them there.
I picked the clothes up and trailed him to the adjoining bathroom, locking the bedroom door as I passed. Alexei had already turned on the shower and he stood beside it in the black jeans he’d left in that morning.
His chest was bare, revealing the mess of scrapes and bruises from the bike crash. The injuries he’d claimed at the time didn’t exist.