He said it like there was nothing else. And I didn’t know what that meant either. It wasn’t as if I’d suffered any lasting damage to my mental health like he had. I just cried a lot and annoyed Joe, though I’d been too busy trying not to drown today to get too emotional. Sinking in suffocating mud was kind of distracting.
Tiring too. It was my turn to yawn. And it was probably time to go.
I started to sit up and slide off the bed.
Cole closed his hand around my wrist. “Stay.”
14
Toby
For two weeks straight, I slept in Cole’s bed every night Ella wasn’t there. Nakedness, dinner, more nakedness, before we fell into his bed and to sleep. At least I did, anyway. I couldn’t say for sure what happened to Cole after I fell into my orgasm comas.
What I did know was that Cole’s mood fluctuated more than Joe’s, but without the drama that gave me even a single clue what he was thinking. Some days he seemed so wrapped up in me it was hard to breathe—in the very best of ways. Others, it was like he was afraid of something I couldn’t see. We shared bubbles of bliss that lasted for days, but each time, as they drew to a close, Cole spoke less, and his easy affection faded away.
He still made me come every night, though. And I didn’t know how to deal with that. So I didn’t deal with it. I let it happen and lost myself in the increasing urgency of our encounters.
Cole kissed me like we were running out of time. I kissed him back, fucked his mouth, and rode his fingers, fast learning not to care how desperate my gasps and groans became as he brought me to the edge.
I learned about him too. How his legs trembled when I blew him, how his toes curled when he was about to come.
How he didn’t flinch when my hands wandered from his dick. I hadn’t worked up the nerve to touch him properly, though. Somehow, the right moment never came, and I tried not to think about how much I wanted it to. About how badly I wanted to turn the tables on Cole so hewas the one losing his mind with pleasure.
I tried not to think about how much I wanted to hug him too.
Man, my head was a trip. Especially at dawn, when I found myself awake and waiting for my phone alarm to go off, only for it to scare the shit out of me when it did.
Cole was behind me, his arms around my waist, his face pressed between my shoulder blades. I couldn’t tell if he was asleep, and I moved fast to silence my phone, half-convinced, like I’d been every morning, that my memories of him blowing out candles and tucking me into his bed had been nothing but a dream.
But he stirred as I snoozed my alarm and shoved it under the pillow and tightened his arms around me. “Do you have to go?”
I smiled in the darkness. “Sorry. It’s my day to turn the horses out, and I need to mend Shadow’s fence too. He kicked a hole in it yesterday.”
Cole grunted and made no move to let me go, but his breathing evened out enough to let me know he was likely already asleep again.
I didn’t want to disturb him any more than I already had. Reclaiming my phone, I disentangled myself from him and slipped from the bed. I took a lightning-fast shower and brushed my teeth with the toothbrush Cole had given me on the first night, then I tripped back to his bedroom to find my clothes.
Cole hadn’t moved. His hair had come loose from its knot and the silky strands called to me. I threw my jeans on and yanked my T-shirt over my head. Then I crouched beside the bed and combed Cole’s hair back from his face.
His eyes blinked open. “You’re still here.”
“Not for long. Just wanted to say goodbye.”
Cole rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows. He eyed me in the darkness, his expression unreadable. “I’m picking Ella up later.”
Code foryou’re not sleeping in my bed tonight. I nodded. “I know. Maybe I’ll see you later?”
“Maybe.”
He didn’t seem to have anything else to say, and I got it. What was he supposed to say?Sorry, mate. I’m going back to my real life now. I’ll have time to put my tongue in you again next Tuesday.
Nice. Damn. How had I gone from waking up in Cole’s arms to being bitter that he had a life that didn’t revolve around my need for sexual instruction?
I gave myself an internal shake and stood. “See you round then.”
“Yeah, see you.”
I left without the spring in my step I’d snuck out of his house with some mornings. In fact, I was so caught up in my thoughts, I forgot to sneak out at all, and Joe caught me hurdling the orchard gate.