Jed tried to shove Paul away. “Get outta here.”
Paul remained obstinate and unmoving, like the stupid, stubborn bastard he was. “No chance. If it takes you, it takes me. Now do your fucking job.”
A dull pain throbbed in Jed’s chest. Life wasn’t supposed to end this way for Paul. He’d had plans, big plans. He was a soldier through and through, the best Jed had ever known, but his priorities had changed in recent years. When their endless tour in Iraq was finally over, he’d had enough. He was getting out and going home to build a ranch with his wife and son.
Jed remembered the day they got word Sam was born. They were on a boat, of all places, somewhere deep in the Persian Gulf. Paul had been so happy his grin split his face in half.
“Better not get my ass killed now, huh?”
It was six weeks before Paul got home to see them, and even then he only saw his son a handful of times before he came home in a box. Months after his death, the guilt Jed felt as he stood beside his widow at a belated, awkward memorial service was overwhelming. She was pregnant with a daughter Paul would never know he had, and the feel of her hand in his was almost too much to bear.
The memorial service drew to a close. Jed lifted Sam from the wooden pew and followed Olivia outside. The Phoenix sunshine bathed his face, but he found no pleasure in its warmth. Deep inside, he felt as cold as the frosty ground he’d left behind in Ashton. As cold as the apathy in his heart for Frank Cooper, the man who’d been dead for only a week, but had been dead to Jed for years.
Sam tightened his arms around his neck. “I was a good boy, Unky J. Can we go see Daddy now?”
Jed glanced at Olivia. She nodded tiredly, and so, ignoring the throngs of family and military personnel, Jed led Paul’s wife and son away from the memorial service and to the tiny cemetery behind the church where Paul was buried.
Sam squirmed in his arms as they neared the plot. Jed let him down to charge around the grassy expanse. It was probably wrong to let him run riot in a graveyard, but there was no one around for him to bother, and Jed knew Paul would’ve let him.
Olivia knelt down and brushed some dust away from the engraved headstone. “Sam likes it here,” she said. “It’s the only reason I can bear to come.”
“It’s a nice place. Peaceful.”
Olivia shot Jed a wry glance. “Don’t pretend you want to be here. I only agreed to this service for Paul’s mother. She wanted to mark his birthday. I think she was hoping more of you would come. She doesn’t understand Army life. She never did.”
Jed held out his hand to help her up, keeping one eye on Sam as he hurtled around. His hyper energy reminded him of Tess, and the newfound claim his hometown now had over him. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to the funeral.”
Olivia kept her hand in his and leaned against him, her sigh heavily weary. “When they came to tell me about Paul, they wouldn’t tell me what had happened to you. When you didn’t come, I thought you were dead too.”
Jed had no memory of the time between that fateful day in Kirkuk and waking up in bits in Boston, but later, when his mind had cleared enough to comprehend what had happened, Olivia’s face as they gave her the news was all he could see. “I’m sorry, Liv.”
“Don’t be,” Olivia said. “Don’t ever be sorry for being alive. You know he wouldn’t want that.”
Jed was silent. Just being in Phoenix was hard. He’d always known this day would come, that Olivia would reach out and ask for his help, but he’d been sorely unprepared for the heavy shadow of Paul’s ghost. He’d never seen Paul’s hometown, but Paul had talked about it so much it felt like he was hiding around every corner.
Olivia tugged on his hand. “Walk with me?” Jed nodded and called Sam back to him. Olivia sighed. “How come he does every little thing you tell him, huh? He runs rings around me.”
“You’re his momma,” Jed said absently. “That’s what boys do.”
Sam reached his side and put his arms up. Jed lifted him, settled him on his good hip, and extended his hand to Olivia again.
She led him out of the cemetery and along the quiet, dusty path back to the chapel. “So tell me about you. How have you been? I had to get your number from your brother. Why aren’t you living with him anymore?”
It was news to Jed that Nick even had his number, but he pushed the feeling aside. The shitstorm he’d left behind in Ashton had been the last thing on his mind since he’d taken Olivia’s call. “I moved out a few months ago.”
“A few months ago? But you’ve only beenhomea few months, Jed. What happened?”
Jed adjusted Sam on his hip and shrugged. “It didn’t work out.”
Olivia wasn’t buying it, not for a minute, but she let it go. Being married to a soldier like Paul had taught her that sometimes the conversations she wanted to have wouldn’t happen. She let go off Jed’s hand and slipped her arm through his. “Where are you living now? Did you get a place in Ashton?”
Jed considered his answer. It was on the tip of his tongue to say he lived with a friend, but did that define Max? In the place he was right now, he didn’t have a fucking clue. “I’ve got a room at a cabin up by the lake. It’s nice. I like the peace and quiet.”
Olivia shook her head, a wry smile on her face. “I know it’s been a while, Jed, but you’re not as mysterious as you used to be. What’s his name?”
“Who?”
“Whoever you’re thinking about.”