I snort.
Me:I’m not drunk
Him:You sure about that?
Me:Do you want me to text in a straight line to prove it?
Him:Haha very funny
Me:Please send me a pic
Him:All right you asked for it hold on
I wait, heart hammering, then cover my mouth as I see he’s uploading a photo. With a squeal I put the phone face down. I can’t look. Oh God.
I fight with myself, half laughing, half panicking.
Then, curiosity gets the better of me and I turn the phone back over.
It’s a photo of him holding a cucumber in his crotch.
I burst out laughing.
Me:For a moment I thought that was real
Him:Honestly this cucumber’s huge, if you used this, you’d know about it in the morning
Me:Don’t give me ideas, my vibrator’s run out of charge
Him:Fuuuuuuuuuuck
Me:LOL what?
Him:The thought of you using a vibrator
Me:That turn you on?
Him:Of course it turns me on I’m a guy and I’m straight
Me:I’ll have to see if I can find something else I can use
Him:Go and take a photo of something you think is the same size as my cock
I laugh.
Him:I’m expecting a pic of a thimble or something
I giggle.
Me:Challenge accepted
I get up and look around my room but can’t see anything appropriate. I poke my head out of the door. The main lights are out; Lisa’s gone to bed. She’s left the small lamp on for Ria, although I’m not sure she’ll be home tonight.
Refusing to think about that, I look around the kitchen and finally see something that makes me laugh. I take a photo of it and send it to him, then make my way back to bed as I wait for him to come back.
Him:LMAO
The pic I sent was of Lisa’s Nutri Bullet blender with the large cup attached.