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Cal nodded. “You might think you’re being noble by denying yourself a decent life, but honestly, it’s selfish. You drag everyone down with you.”
I glared at them. “Are you trying to make me feel worse?”
“We’re trying to make you understand,” Cal shouted. “It’s not a choice to love you. Believe me, if it was, I’d have let go of this friendship by now. But it is your choice to let your guilt rule your life. It’s your choice not to get the help you need and to hurt the people who care about you.”
“You’re not obligated to be my friend,” I said, quietly. “You can leave anytime you want.”
“He didn’t mean it like that,” Aiden said.
“Yeah, that didn’t come out right,” Cal said, sliding onto the tile floor beside me and leaning his back against the tub. Skye went back and forth between us. We grew quiet, each of us taking turns giving her head a pat.
It might sound self-centered, but I’d been so focused on my own suffering since Logan died, I hadn’t considered that I could be adding to my friends’. Despite having a great career and a fiancée he loved, Cal looked miserable hunched on the ugly tiles. Aiden hid his emotions well, like always, but he hadn’t stopped yanking on his fingernails.
Eventually, Cal turned to me. “If you were just anyone, I wouldn’t put up with your shit. I’ve overcome too much to let someone bring me down. But you’re my best friend, Theo, my brother. I’ll never stop fighting for you. For years, I assumed everyone was judging you, for what happened, for the way you look. I fought every comment, every glare. I even questioned Rowan last summer when she trusted you to stay out with her sister. She about took my head off, and I started to wonder if you needed me to defend you. Maybe it was necessary when you first got out, but I’m realizing the only person I should be fighting now is you. The way I see it, you’re the only one standing in your way.”
A scorching heat filled my chest. “You don’t get it,” I said. Cal’s eyes widened at the anger in my voice. “And I hope you never will. Apart from the crushing guilt I’ll never escape, I’m a murderer and a felon, marked for life. You saw what happened today with your own eyes.”
“I saw a cop trying to prove himself to his new department,” Cal said. “And an idiot unwilling to accept the help he’s being offered.”
“If Everly helps me and I end up in jail, like I know I will, she’ll be devastated. I can’t do that to her.”
“She’ll be devastated if she doesn’t help you and you end up in jail,” Cal said, gripping his hair. “You’d rather do time again than accept the truth that you never should have been a felon in the first place. Your BAC was .04. If you’d been twenty-one, you wouldn’t have been charged at all.”
“Even if you think you deserved your conviction, let Everly help you fight this ridiculous charge,” Aiden said, leaning against the sink. “Because you have a life worth fighting for. You’ve got a job you love and more talent in your pinkie than I have in my whole body. Friends who would do anything for you. And out of all the women on the planet, you somehow found the perfect one for you, and despite your obvious faults, she loves you. Shit like that doesn’t happen every day. It may never happen for some of us. You can’t throw it all away.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” I said, standing and holding out my hand to Cal. “Either of you,” I added looking at Aiden. “I’m sorry.”
“Words are just words, brother,” Cal said, but he allowed me to pull him to his feet and into a hug. “You want to show me you’re sorry, do something about it. Talk to a professional and figure your shit out. It’s long overdue.”
“Mind hanging out somewhere else?” Aiden asked. “I really do need to take a leak. I held off when we started finding Hell Cat’s love gifts.”
Cal smirked and leaned against the linen closet.
Aiden shuffled from foot to foot. “You have five seconds or I’m pissing in the sink.”
Cal chuckled and led the way out of the bathroom. Aiden didn’t even bother shutting the door before he started relieving himself. We walked down the hall to the living room with Skye. She and Cal flopped onto the couch together, looking like they were settling in for a while.
“Y’all can go home,” I said, taking a seat beside them. “I’m not going to hurt myself.”
“You already have,” Cal said quietly. “And until you start pulling yourself out of this pity hole you’ve dug, we’re glued to your ass.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “For fuck’s sake, what do I have to do to get you people to leave me alone?”
“Invite Poppy over to spend the night,” Aiden said, joining us. He was looking at his fingernails, which were now bleeding in a couple places.
“And call Everly and tell her you want to fight this underage crap,” Cal said.
“If not for yourself, do it for us,” Aiden said. “We need you here. You’ll ruin Cal’s wedding if you’re in the slammer.”
I glanced between my best friends, their faces filled with pain, and my resistance cracked. “I’ll think about Everly helping me with this new charge. But that’s a hard no on Poppy. I’m not dragging her into my mess. And I need some time and space to pull myself together. I can’t do that with y’all hovering.”
Aiden and Cal exchanged a look.
“Fine, but if I see one fresh mark on you, I’m handcuffing you to Hell Cat again,” Aiden said, walking toward the front door.
“I’m leaving Skye here tonight,” Cal said, standing. “I’ll swing by to get her first thing tomorrow.” Skye hopped off the couch and nuzzled his hand.
My palms started to sweat. As much as I loved Skye, even needed her, I hated having the responsibility of caring for her for so long. “That’s not necessary.”