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Michelle nodded gratefully.
Even though she was pregnant, Derek had no trouble lifting her. OSHA wouldn’t have approved of the technique, but it was his Michelle. After a quick exchange with the medics, Derek and Michelle were alone. She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them. God, she was very pregnant. He’d guess close to term, but on her slender frame it was hard to tell.
“H-how long have you been back in town?”
She looked up and scanned his face as if she were reading something there.
“What?” Derek tilted his head in confusion.
“She really didn’t tell you.”
“Who?”
Her head bowed again. “Mom.” She picked at a hangnail on her thumb. “I didn’t want you to know until I had stuff figured out, and then—”
“Do you have a good ob-gyn here?” Derek’s mind revved into overdrive. He had so many questions. So many new things to be worried about.
“Actually, I—”
“If you don’t, I can get you a recommendation from friends.” His mind scrolled through the list of things she’d need. “Do you have a crib yet? I have another friend who’s getting rid of one. And if you need a car seat, I bet—”
Michelle growled.
The sound was so startlingly reminiscent of the little girl who used to pounce on his back as if she were an attacking cat that he whipped around. “Is the pain getting worse? My friend’s the doc today, and she should be in in a couple minutes, but I can see if—”
“I knew I should’ve made Zach drive me to the other hospital. But he insisted on calling 9–1–1.”
“Wait, Zach? Your ex Zach’s the father? Hacky-sack Zach? The dude that couldn’t go to high school graduation because he got caught hotboxing in the principal’s Porsche Boxster? That Zach?”
Michelle scowled. “He was making a political statement.” She shook her head and pointed at his face. “All of this is exactly why I told Mom not to tell you. You can’t help yourself. You didn’t even wait for my answers before you launched into your”—she imitated Derek, making his voice a grating and robotic tone—“must-save-Michelle-from-her-inevitable-screwups mode. You couldn’t just be normal and say ‘Omygod, congratulations, well done on growing a human.’ I don’t know. Anything else except going into Mr. Fix-It mode about something I’m excited about.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do…”
“I know I didn’t do it like Amy did with her and her perfect husband spawning their four academically gifted children.” She put her hands on her hips. “And also, Zach hasn’t done hacky sack since twelfth grade. He has a medicinal card now and drives a Tesla.”
“How did hacky-sack Zach get Tesla money? Did he buy stock in puka shells?”
Michelle contracted her face. “I don’t need these hints about my choices. I want you to let me try to fix things myself. You’ve always been like this. Of course Zach’s not good enough. No one is. No one can live up to your expectations. And when we don’t, you have to take charge and fix us.”
“I’m sorry. I was just surprised. I’m sure Zach’s a stand-up guy right now. Congratulations. I am excited for you. I am happy for you if you’re happy. I don’t want to fix you. You’re perfect the way you are. I never wanted you to be like Amy.”
“Yeah, well, saying I’m perfect doesn’t quite fit with you trying to control everything in my life. Like before, I was handling it. And you wouldn’t butt out.”
“You were handling… what?”
“I spent weeks meeting with a financial counselor. I had a plan mapped out to consolidate the debt and pay it off on my own. And all that time was a waste because you violated my privacy and opened my mail. And after you kept calling me and texting me like you were wanting me to treat you like a hero for trying to save my credit scor—fuck.” The word became a groan and she leaned over her hands, digging her knuckles into her forehead.
“Please let me get you something for the pain.”
“No.” She took several more breaths. A tear rolled down her nose, and he didn’t even have the courage to offer her a tissue to wipe it away. “You can’t fix this, Derek. Ever since my injury… I’m in pain. All the fucking time. But I’m angry because this is what really hurts and you couldn’t see it.” Instead of gesturing to her wrapped and splinted knee, she rubbed her sternum over her heart. “Every time it gets messed up, it reminds me that I lost everything because of this goddamn knee. The thing I loved more than anything. My career. My future. Every fucking dream I had.” Michelle wiped more tears from underneath her eyes in smooth strokes that preserved her makeup. “I don’t even think the credit cards were the real problem. You… you couldn’t let me just be sad. You needed to control it. Just like after Dad with all of us. You had to try to fix it too.”
“What… what are you talking about? What’s Dad got to do with this?” Acid rose in Derek’s throat. “You said you were going to lose your home. You said you could be okay if it wasn’t for your mortgage. I didn’t want to control you—”
“You did. You always did. All our lives, you couldn’t just be my brother when I was sad or crying or feeling things. You assumed this guy-in-charge mode. When I could dance, I couldn’t even miss a day of rehearsal ever without feeling like I was disappointing you.” She shot him a glare. “Why couldn’t you ever just be a human? Be a normal brother? I didn’t need a… replacement.”
“That’s not fair. I was just trying to do what Dad asked me to.”
Her jaw hardened. “You know what’s not fair? My dad died. I don’t even remember him, Derek. He is never going to meet my daughter.”