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I gripped the loose fabric of his shirt in anger. This wasn’t his fault. You can’t blame him. He tried to help you, I thought. He pulled away, looking at my face, searching for any bruising or markings. His hand traced my headband that still covered my ears. “Did he–”
“No. He didn’t take too much interest in my face,” I said, wiping my tears with my wrist.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” he admitted.
“There’s nothing you can say. I just want to sleep if that’s okay?” I asked.
“Of course. Do you want to bathe?”
“I already did. I went to Levos’s room first after he let me go.” I felt Gaelin’s body go stiff “I wasn’t ready to see you, Gaelin. I needed a minute to just be by myself.”
“I’m not mad. I just want to be there for you now. Whatever you need.”
“I just need to sleep,” I said, crawling into the bed. I pulled the covers up to my face, not wanting to talk anymore. I heard him shuffle around the room nervously until he finally left. I watched the balcony as the sun rose into the sky, signaling the start of another day.
The next few days were a haze. I fell in and out of sleep. When I woke, sometimes I would see Gaelin by my bedside. Other times I would see Levos. I ate whenever I could stomach it, but other than that I just slept. When I finally was able to snap myself out of it, three days had passed. I bathed and cleaned the room, thinking back to all the human girls who had to deal with this day in and day out. I wanted to kill the alfar. Every one of them.
I changed the sheets on the bed, then collected the laundry and made my way to the door. I opened it to see Levos standing in front, preparing to knock. His face lit up at the sight of me. He stepped aside and let me pass, then followed as I walked to the laundry room.
“I’m fine, Levos. No need to be weird,” I finally said.
“I’m just glad to see you out of bed. You had us worried there for a moment.”
“I just needed time to process, but I am better now. What’s done is done. There’s no changing it. It happens all the time.”
He pulled my arm back, stopping me along a quiet hall. “Just because it happens a lot around here doesn’t make your situation any less traumatic or wrong. What happened to you wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve that.” He paused, rubbing my face caringly. “Madison offered an ear if you need to talk,” he said with pain in his voice.
I smiled at him. “Thank you, but I am fine. I’d rather just forget all together.” I looked to the floor. “How is he?”
“Pretty torn up about it. He is beating himself up about not being able to protect you. He feels it’s his fault. He thinks it never would have happened if he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did at dinner.” I shrugged, feeling slightly bad for Gaelin.
“It would have happened eventually. I’ll talk to him.” I turned to walk away but stopped. I looked back at Levos, standing defeated in front of the wall. “Thank you for being there for me that night. I don’t know what I would have done without you. You’re a good friend, Levos.”
He smiled at me and nodded before walking away.
No one said a word to me that day, which I was thankful for. I didn’t dare go to dinner. Instead, I volunteered for dish duty which kept me out of the throne room. That night I went to Gaelin’s chambers, expecting him to already be there, but he wasn’t. I got ready for bed and waited for him but ended up falling asleep. Around one in the morning, I was woken by the creak of the couch. I looked up to see Gaelin’s massive body curled onto the small seat.
“What are you doing?” I asked, sitting up from the bed.
His head popped up before he fully sat up to look at me. “I’ve been sleeping here the past few nights. I didn’t think you’d want to share the bed.”
I exhaled, pulling his side of the sheets back. “Come on,” I whispered.
He walked slowly to the bed and crawled in.
I scooted down under the covers, looking him in the eyes. “It wasn’t your fault. You did what you could.”
“Did he…hurt you? More than the act?” he asked.
I furrowed my brow, not wanting to remember a moment of it. “No. It was quick and unfeeling. I’d rather not talk about it though.”
“Of course,” he said. He reached slowly for my hand, tracing my fingers with his. “I’ve thought of so many ways to kill him since that moment.”
I laughed at him, but he looked at me with a serious expression. “Oh, you’re serious. Well, please don’t do that. I’d rather you not go to Valhalla and leave me here to fend for myself. I’d prefer us just to move on. Let’s just both be careful from now on so this doesn’t happen again.”
“I’ll do whatever you ask.”
“But Gaelin… it may be a while before I can be… physical again. If you need to take someone else, I will understand,” I said, feeling sick at the thought of ever being with a male again.