“I’ll miss her too,” I say.And what about you, Hayden? Will you miss me?
Hayden blows out a breath, takes two steps toward me, and clasps his hands on my shoulders. “This is bullshit. We’re talking to each other like we’re strangers.”
“Whose fault is that?” I shrug his hands off me and step away. “You let me believe there was something between us. I believed you when you told me you loved me.” I bite my bottom lip, stopping it from quivering.
“There was something—issomething between us. I do love you. Let’s work on this.” A yearning look flashes over his face.
Pressing a palm to my chest, I say, “We’ve had this conversation before. There’s nothing to work on if you put conditions on our love. Besides, I’m moving to London. It will never work.” This is it. The end of something I thought was going to be beautiful. Nothing in my life has ever felt sosoul-destroying. “Goodbye, Hayden.” I can’t have him in my apartment a second longer.
Hayden gives me a long, sad stare before he nods, turns his back, and walks out of my apartment.
God, what have I done?
Chapter Thirty-Two
HAYDEN
It’s been a week since I walked out of Alyssa’s life. A week without seeing her face, hearing her laugh, watching her smile. A week without her love. There’s an emptiness in my life—in my heart. No matter what I do, how hard I work or spend time with Lily, there’s nothing that’s filling it. Only Alyssa can do it. And I let her go.God, will I ever get over this?I rub my hand over my heart. How can I get over someone so amazing? So full of life. Someone who has broughtmeback to life.
She’s leaving for London soon, living her dream, while I’m living my normal day-to-day life like I always have. In the past it made me content. I never wanted anything more until I met Alyssa. Now, apart from Lily, nothing gives me joy. Nothing is the same without Alyssa. I miss her.
Sitting in Lily’s school hall, the lights dim, and the chatting parents go quiet for the school play to begin. I draw my attention to the stage and wait for Lily’s grand entrance. She’d been soexcited to have a solo dance and wanted to invite Alyssa to watch. I hated seeing the disappointment on Lily’s face when I told her that Alyssa had other plans and couldn’t make it.
I never wanted Lily to get attached to Alyssa, but it happened anyway. Enough for her to tell her teacher we were getting married. That was a teary conversation. It broke my heart listening to her tell me the reason she lied. She wanted to be like the other kids who had a mother and a father. And she had set her sights on Alyssa.
I yank my thoughts away from Alyssa and watch the children act and sing—giggling behind their hands when someone messes up their lines and pulling out chuckles from the audience. Some kids are dressed as trees, one is holding up the sun, and others are dressed as birds, flapping their arms in the air like they’re flying.
Ten minutes later, Lily, wearing a white, flowy dress with large, colorful flowers stitched onto the skirt, skips onto the stage. From somewhere behind me, a spotlight shines on her. Spinning and leaping, she’s dancing like she’s on a major stage. Her face is bright with joy.
My baby girl is a star!The love I have for her bursts from my chest. How could I ever have thought raising her on my own was too hard? Yes, it came with challenges but nothing I couldn’t overcome. I’d do it all over again, because she is fucking awesome.
I let my insecurities and warped beliefs of abandonment make me doubt how I truly feel. Yes, I wanted no more children, because I didn’t want a relationship. Then Alyssa stumbled into my life and turned my world upside down, making me want more. When she told me she wasn’t pregnant, I thought I’d experience a sense of relief. Instead, looking back, it was disappointment. Something had tugged at my gut to do something,saysomething, but with my fucked-up emotions Imissed my chance. I’ll never forget the sadness on Alyssa’s face when I didn’t tell her what she needed to hear.
Fuck! I’m such an idiot.I’ve messed up big time. So big, I don’t know if I can make it right. Alyssa is the best thing to happen in mine and Lily’s life. How could I have been so blind? Because of my stupidity, I’ve broken the heart of the only woman I’ve ever loved.
Lily’s dance number finishes, and the audience claps. I stand and clap the loudest.That’s my girl!I’m a proud father. With a smile on her face, she spots me and gives me a little wave before twirling off the stage. I’ve always said I wanted to give Lily everything I possibly can. And I’m going to continue to do so.
Suddenly the weight I’ve been carrying for eight years has lifted from my shoulders. What once freaked me out has no place in my heart anymore. Not when I could spend my life with Alyssa.
It’s time to tell her what I’ve always known but was too scared to admit. My love is unconditional.
Chapter Thirty-Three
ALYSSA
Standing in my apartment, I spin around and gaze at the luggage and boxes scattered throughout the room. Nerves, excitement, fright are all playing tug-of-war in my gut.
“This is really happening!” I draw in several deep, calming breaths. “I can’t believe I’m doing this while pregnant.” A big elephant of doubt creeps in and stomps on my excitement. “Oh God, what if I screw up? What if I’m no good?”
Harper places a hand on my arm. “You will be amazing. You’re made for this. I know you will shine.”
“How can you be so sure? You’re my best friend. You have to say that.”
Harper giggles. “If I thought you were crap, I’d tell you. You’re not. You’re an exceptional dancer, and I can’t think of a role more suited for you.” Harper frowns. “Are you changing your mind? It will be difficult with a baby on the way. I’m not surehow you’re going to do it with a big, pregnant belly. Will you have someone to fill in?”
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it either. I’ve decided to do it anyway. It’s too late to turn back now. I’ve signed contracts, accommodation is arranged, all I need is for the movers to collect my things. The buzz of excitement stirs again.
“I’m not changing my mind,” I say, “I’ll have plenty of stand-ins. This is exactly what I want.”