With Lily’s hand still clasped in mine, she pulls me to the side of the room where the dioramas are displayed. I can feel Hayden following close behind. So close I know if I take one step back, we’d touch.
“Here it is!” Lily points excitedly at her work.
I lean over to take a closer look. Hayden does the same. Now his chest is pressed against my back as he glances at the diorama over my shoulder. I freeze. Too scared to move in case he pulls away. God, I miss his touch, the scent of his citrusy cologne, and the heat of his body. For a beat, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“Do you like it?” Lily asks.
I stand and Hayden moves away.
“This is you.” She points at a small figurine dressed in a black leotard and tights standing in front of mirrors made from aluminum foil. She’s added ballet bars, arched cellophane windows, lots of figurines for students, and a stereo system made with tiny boxes.
“This looks exactly like the dance studio. Great job, Lily.”
A bright, proud smile lights up her face.
Hayden puts a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “Is that you?” He touches a figurine dressed in pink standing next to my figurine.
She nods shyly. “This is the day I helped Miss Alyssa teach a class.”
The afternoon Rachel showed up at the studio and Hayden asked me to watch Lily while he dealt with her. The day that pulled Hayden permanently away from me. Hayden gazes at me like he knows what I’m thinking. Sadness and regret cross his features.
To stop myself from thinking about it, I say, “You did such a great job helping me.”
She smiles with pride.
For the next half hour, Lily guides me and Hayden around the room, showing us paintings, artwork, and schoolbooks. As we’re admiring her work her teacher strolls over to us.
With a warm smile, she says, “Hello, Mr. Alessi. I’m glad you could make our open day.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Hayden smiles back. When the teacher turns her attention to me, he introduces us. “Mrs. Fredrick, this is Alyssa Martinez.”
“It’s lovely to meet you, Alyssa. Lily has told us so much about you. She’s excited for the wedding and can’t wait for you to officially be her mother.”
The blood drains from my body. What the hell?
Hayden steps closer to the teacher and lowers his voice, I assume so no one close by can hear. “Mrs. Fredrick, I don’t know what you’re talking about. There is no wedding. Alyssa is Lily’s ballet teacher. Nothing more.”
When I think my heart can’t break any more, Hayden says something to prove me wrong and the pain lances through me all over again. After all we’ve been through, I’m only her ballet teacher.Nothing more.
She raises her hand and fiddles with the pearls around her neck. “Oh…I’m sorry. She mentioned a wedding.”
Lily stares up at us with tears shining in her eyes. Her face flushed red.
“Lily, why would you make up a story like that?” Hayden asks.
Dropping her head, she shuffles her feet and shrugs.
“We are going to talk about this when we get home.” To the teacher, he says, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Fredrick, she doesn’t normally make up stories.”
Mrs. Fredrick gives Hayden a sympathetic smile. “Don’t be too hard on her. It’s difficult for little girls to grow up without their mothers. She obviously loves Ms. Martinez and can see her fill that role.”
The thought of filling the role of Lily’s mother gives me more joy than receiving my Broadway news. As far as I’m concerned, no role is more important than the one of a mother. I would happily accept and love her as my own.
But Hayden doesn’t want me. It’s time to move on. It’s a good thing I’ve decided to move to London. Hopefully distance and being busy with the show will make me forget about what I’ve lost in New York City and eventually heal my heart. At the moment, with my heart so torn apart, I can’t imagine it ever sealing back together.
Tears sting my eyes, and I blink rapidly to hold them back. I can’t stay a moment longer or I’ll crumble into a teary heap. Squatting down to look Lily in the eye, I cup her face in my hands and kiss her cheek. Her mouth is turned down, her lip quivering.I know how you feel, sweetheart. I’m not getting what I want either.
“Thank you for inviting me to your class. I’ve had a wonderful time, and your schoolwork is beautiful.” I pull her into a hug, and her little arms wrap around my neck. I swallow hard. This little girl will always have a special place in my heart. This is my goodbye. I probably won’t see her again.