Thinking back on my teenage years, I cringe. There were a couple of years where I wanted to forget about my parents’ wishes for me to dance every second of the day. So I skipped classes, went to a few drunken parties, sneaked out of the house late at night to hang around boys I had no business being with. Like a specialfuck youto my parents, I lost my virginity in the dance studio’s costume room.
But there’s no point sharing that part of my past with Hayden. I don’t want to scare him about what could be in Lily’s future. My wild side came from wanting to rebel against my parents. I know Lily is loved no matter what she wants to do. Thankfully, my love for dancing and Miss Lucia’s guidance got me back on track.
“Why did Lily’s mother leave her?” I ask.
I’m not a mother, yet I could never imagine giving my baby away. Leaving my dog with a friend when I moved to New York made me cry for weeks. I still FaceTime Benji weekly.
When Hayden doesn’t answer, I say, “I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.” If his past has scared him so much he can’t have sex, it must be painful to relive it.
He folds his legs up and rests his wrists on his knees. “No, it’s fine. I met Rachel one night in a club back when I partied too hard and didn’t care who I fucked. Rachel was hot, eager, and I had her in a hotel room half an hour after meeting her. The next morning, we parted ways. We didn’t exchange numbers. There were no plans to meet. I never expected to see her again.”
Hayden gets off the bed and walks to the minibar. Plucking a tiny bottle of whiskey from the fridge, he holds it out, offering it to me. I shake my head. He twists off the lid and chugs it down until it’s empty. Like he needs something to help him deal withthe past. Tossing it in the trash can under the counter, he comes back to the bed.
“Nine months later, she shows up at my office. I’m no celebrity, but our fashion house is big news. She must have worked out who I was. Anyway, she shows up with Lily in a baby carrier and a diaper bag, dropping the bomb that she’s mine. The news floored me. Left me speechless. Her parting words were ‘I don’t want her. Would have gotten rid of her if I hadn’t found out I was pregnant after it was legal to do it. She’s all yours.’”
My hand flies to my open mouth. “What the hell? How can she be so evil? This sounds like a Hollywood movie.” Who does shit like that?
He scrubs his fingers across his forehead. “More like a nightmare.”
“You just accepted the baby as yours and took her from Rachel?”
“She didn’t give me much choice. After she handed Lily to me, she ran from the room and out of the building before I could form a sentence. The shock had hit me hard.”
“Did you ever look for her? Could she have been dealing with postpartum depression?” I ask before I judge too harshly.
“I hired a private investigator—”
“Now this is really sounding like a Hollywood movie.”
He grins at my comment, making my insides tingle down to my toes. “He told me she married a wealthy stockbroker, lived in a mansion, and for the last five months of her pregnancy, vacationed in Italy, or so she told her husband. Instead, she was renting an apartment in Long Island. After giving birth and giving Lily to me, she went back to her husband like nothing had happened.”
“Oh my God, Hayden. I’m so sorry. Did you ever wonder if Rachel was telling the truth?” What if Lily wasn’t his? With her sandy-brown hair and brown eyes, she doesn’t look like Hayden.
“Absolutely. Until I got the results of the DNA test, I’m ashamed to admit, I wasn’t exactly a loving father. I took care of her and made sure she had everything she needed. But I didn’t want to get too attached if she wasn’t mine. Although, by the time the results came in, she’d wormed her way into my heart. I don’t know what I would have done if she wasn’t mine.” He takes a seat on the bed next to me again.
Loved her anyway. Because that’s the kind of man he is.
“Has Rachel ever contacted you again? Even though she had a rich husband and lived a life of luxury, she may have been struggling mentally.”
“Because the private investigator followed her for a while, he knew the places she liked to visit. I found her in a coffee shop near her house. Let me tell you, she wasn’t pleased to see me. Thought I was trying to give Lily back to her.” He shakes his head in disgust. “Not once did she look at the baby or ask how she was doing. She had zero interest in her daughter. Turns out, she kept the pregnancy a secret from her husband. He would have divorced her if he’d learned she had an affair. She chose money and the life of luxury over her flesh and blood.”
This story gets worse and worse. “Thank God Lily has a father like you.” What would her life have been if she’d stayed with her mother? Probably a miserable one with no love and affection. Hayden is giving her enough love for two parents.
He rests his head on the headboard. “Thank you.”
Fiddling with the hem of the t-shirt, I say, “So, raising Lily hasn’t given you time for…relationships?” I really want to know how he’s lasted eight years without sex. A man like him would have women drooling over him. Me included.
“There’s been a couple of women who have made their interest known.”
Only a couple? Yeah, right. More like a swarm of women. “And you refused?”
“Yes. They never interested me enough to take the risk. I’m done with one-night stands. Done with casual sex with women I don’t know.”
I pull my knees to my chest and hug my legs. “Oh, so that’s why you’re not interested in me. You see me as a one-night stand.”
He faces me, looking incredulous. “Not interested in you! You consume my every thought. My body aches to be near you. Every time I look at your lips, I want to kiss them. My hands want to touch every part of you. Being with you is the most excitement I’ve had in years. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since Harper and Finn’s wedding. I wanted to rip Kai Hart’s arms off for touching you, because you were right, I was jealous. So, not interested? You couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Wow! The words knock the breath from my lungs. He had all of that hidden behind his serious, standoffish exterior. “If that’s true—”