With trepidation she peered into the pram. The screaming bundle was wrapped in a white
muslin cloth with tiny pink and yellow flowers delicately sewn into the light fabric. Both arms had broken free of the wrap and waved agitatedly above her head. Fuzzy, soft wisps of brown hair covered her head, and a pink elastic headband with a butterfly attached was slipping from her head. The baby scrunched up her face, which was red with distress, and two tiny, glistening tears shimmered from her dark blue eyes.
Lauren’s hands shook as she reached inside the pram, like she was putting them into the cage of a lion. Softly, she patted Emma’s stomach and whispered, “Ssshhh.”
But her pathetic attempt at comforting was useless, and it only made the crying louder.
All she could think to do to stop Emma from fussing was pick her up. The thought turned Lauren’s blood ice cold, but what other choice did she have? She couldn’t let her keep crying like this.
Slowly and gently, she slipped her hands under the fretting baby, one supporting the head and one under the bulging nappy, and with awkward hands, lifted Emma into her arms. She walked over to the only chair in the office and sat, bouncing her arms slightly. As Lauren stared down at the crying baby, her mind drifted to another time when she held a baby in her arms: a silent, lifeless baby.
Lauren lay limp on the hospital bed, sucked of all energy. According to the silver clock on the wall, she’d been in labor for seven long hours and didn’t think she could last much longer. But Jess, her midwife, had encouraged her by telling Lauren it was time to start pushing. Propping herself up on her elbows, she gritted her teeth, and with the little energy she could muster, pushed.
Moments later Jess looked at Lauren with concern stamped on her face. “Honey, I need you to stop pushing.”
“What’s wrong?” Lauren asked when Jess shouted out orders to another nurse in the room.
“Just relax, honey. I need a little help.” Jess smiled, but the concern in her eyes told another story. When Jess told the nurse to call the doctor right away Lauren knew something was terribly wrong.
A short, balding man with a gray beard and round stomach rushed in, snapping on latex gloves as he approached and exchanged whispered words with the midwife.
Lauren’s heart raced, and she tried to sit up. “What’s happening? Is there something wrong with my baby?”
The doctor turned to her with an ominous expression. “Your baby’s cord is wrapped around its neck. We need to work as fast as possible to free it.”
Terror traveled like an out-of-control train up her spine. “Will she be okay?” Deep in her heart she’d always known the baby was a girl.
“We’re doing everything we can,” he said, positioning himself between her legs.
“Please don’t let anything happen to her,” she cried.
“Lauren, we need you to lie down and stay as calm as possible,” Jess soothed.
The next few minutes Lauren did exactly what she was told. She no longer felt the pain and exhaustion of labor. The worry in her heart was a thousand times worse.
After a few more pushes and one last guttural scream, the baby was born, and Lauren struggled to sit up. She wanted to see her baby, but the doctor whisked her away to a corner of the room before she got the chance.
Why wasn’t her baby crying?
“I want to see my daughter!” Panic laced her words.
No one answered her. Fear gripped her heart and wouldn’t let go. She swung her legs off the bed, determined to get to her baby, but Jess stopped her.
Lauren pushed Jess’s arms away. “Why isn’t she crying?”
Jess placed a hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “She’s not breathing. The doctor is doing everything he can to help her.”
Not breathing? “No-no-no.” Lauren shook her head, not wanting to believe what she was hearing. “Please help her,” she pleaded on a sob as she watched the medical staff frantically work on her baby. “Please, please, please breathe, my baby girl.”
She wrapped her arms around her waist as harsh sobs shook uncontrollably through her body.
Lauren didn’t know how long she kept pleading for her precious baby to breathe. But when the efforts of the staff stopped and the doctor looked up at the silver clock, she screamed, “Nooo! Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Make her breathe.” The doctor’s mournful face stared back at her. “Please,” she said on a broken whimper.
He shook his head. “I’m so sorry. We couldn’t save her. We did everything we could.”
“Oh God!” Lauren collapsed on the bed as the pain ripped through her body. Jess tried to console her, but it was just a jumble of meaningless words.
The doctor placed a hand on her arm. “I’m truly sorry for your loss. The nurses will bring her over to you.”