“You don’t count anymore. I’ve heard it enough from you.” Still, Pa gave him a soft smile and pinched his chin. I’d never seen Pa so openly in love before Barber came along. While Pa had been engaged previously, I hadn’t been around Dean for long before Pa had no choice but to kill him. It was a tragic story and one Pa had told me once and only once. He didn’t like to relive the past.
Everyone started dishing out food, and I focused on my empty plate. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Dr. Griffin had instructed me to take control of my brain. “While the brain is a powerful organ, KC, you can train it to believe the food you put in your mouth is delicious, that it won’t hurt you.” I’d been working on said training, and slowly, very slowly, I’d reintroduced food back into my diet without having the taste of ash in my mouth.
Healing was an incremental progress, but Dr. Griffin told me any step forward was a good one. One day at a time. Ren andOli didn’t push me. They helped how they could. I’m sure either one of them would drive a hundred miles to get me a particular food if I said I wanted it. Pa was the same. He’d asked me what I needed, and when I’d told him “nudging without pressure,” he’d taken on the role seriously. Like now.
“Is there anything that strikes your fancy, sweetheart?” Ren asked, leaning closer and keeping his voice low. Everyone in this room knew about my issues, but both he and Oli made sure to keep our conversations quiet and private. I loved that.
“I have salmon,” Pa said. “And lean beef. I know you’ve been eating more of both.”
Tears prickled my eyes, and I inconspicuously wiped them. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything.
I added beef and salmon to my plate, then closed my eyes for a moment, focusing on convincing my brain it was fine. Everything was good for me. I had the control, not my brain. I took a deep breath.
Do you want to play football again?You need to eat. Give your body the fuel it needs.
I opened my eyes to look at the food again. Everyone around me was eating, ignoring me to give me time to process what I was about to do. Dr. Griffin gave Ren and Oli tips, and they passed them on to Pa and Barber. The support they gave me was outstanding and I’d never been more thankful for my family and boyfriends until now.
Finally, when I felt ready, I dug my fork into the beef and shoved it into my mouth. The flavor of garlic and butter burst on my tongue. Pa had gone out of his way to make it as delicious as he could, but my mind rebelled at the idea that I wasn’t following Hawthorn’s meal plan. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have to follow it, part of me wanted to do it.
“Baby.” Ren nudged me. “Tell your Pa about what Ripley said to you.”
I blinked and continued to chew until I swallowed. “Pa doesn’t follow hockey. He doesn’t know who Ripley is.”
“I saw him at that game with Ren. I know enough.” Pa’s face scrunched anyway. He was a snob about a lot of things and it always made me smile.
“Tell him what he said last week.” Ren nudged me with his elbow.
I chuckled. “He was telling me how he knew a couple of the NFL guys from the LA team. He wants to introduce me.”
“That’s great.” Pa paused. “Right?” His nose scrunched up double time and my chuckle turned into a full-blown laugh.
“Yeah, Pa. It’s good. He wants to introduce me to Calder Morrowfale. He’s one of LA’s linebackers.” I sliced up my salmon and slid a forkful into my mouth.
“One of? Sure. He’s also the fucking best.” Ren shook his head. “He’s got so many trophies under his belt, he’ll be going down in the history books. He’s reaching retirement age.”
Pa eyed me carefully, his gaze softening. It took me a moment to realize he was happy about the fact that I was eating. Ren was good at distracting me with conversation, taking me out of my head so I didn’t overthink food.
“He has a few years left in him,” I argued.
Oli leaned forward and waved his fork. “I’m going to pretend I know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t know anything about football?” Errol asked.
The conversation flowed. It changed from football to Sophie’s options for careers, which was more Pa, Barber, Ren, and Errol speaking while Sophie flopped against her dad and groaned.
Tenderness spread through me as I stared at the people surrounding me.Family. These were the men and woman who had helped me through the darkest days. They made me smileand laugh and they supported me in ways no one else could. I’d never been so happy in my life.
I would be all right. It would take a while, but I would fight. For me. And for them.
EPILOGUE – PART II
REN
This was fine. Absolutely fucking fine. Oliver would never find out. He didn’t need to know I was serving my own justice. If he saw his father with a few missing teeth, that was perfectly all right.
I’d deny everything.
Okay, I wouldn’t. He’d know because he’s not dumb and I promised not to lie to him or KC again. So, I’d tell him if he asked.