“It’s okay. I’ll check later. I’m going to help you undress so you can warm up beside Cole.” Javi bows his head, shiny black hair falling over his face, as he slices through my clothes with medical shears.
“Is he going to die?”
He lifts his gaze to me, face devoid of emotion, brown eyes distant. “I think so.”
At least he answered honestly.
“The Coast Guard is bringing a flight surgeon, but I think he broke his pelvis and has internal bleeding.”
He doesn’t need to explain. Internal bleeding kills people out here. We witnessed it firsthand when Cole’s uncle fell from the top of the crane while repairing it. There was nothing we could do.
“I should have reached Cole sooner, or held onto him tighter, or made him stay inside, or stay home, or… or… I don’t know.”
“Morgan, you saved his life.” His throat flexes as he swallows. “Take a deep breath before you have a panic attack.”
I do as he says and take a second one for good measure. “Is he in pain?”
“I don’t think so.”
Good.
We both fall silent as Javi dries me roughly with a towel, then wraps a blanket around me.
“Okay. Move slowly.” He ushers me to Cole’s side.
Cole is too still. All the color fled his face. His eyes are closed, but only partially. Before he couldn’t keep them open and now he can’t close them completely.
The realization that this is the last time I’ll spend with him before he dies knocks the wind out of me more violently than when I dove into the ocean.
“I can’t. I can’t say goodbye. I can’t lose him.”
“You won’t be alone. I’ll help you.”
Javi guides me to the floor, and I roll onto my side, facing my husband. Wordlessly, Javi takes my left hand and links my fingers with Cole’s so the tattooed wedding bands on our hands are nestled side by side as he drifts off into death.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He nods, mask of stoicism slipping, and covers me with another blanket.
“I’m scared.” I’m not sure if I’m telling him or Cole. Maybe both of them. I’m so fucking scared—to lose my husband, my best friend, the only man I’ve ever loved. I’m scared I won’t be strong enough to live without him.
I clear my throat and squeeze Cole’s hand. “Sunshine. I’m here. I’m holding your hand, and I won’t let go, so please don’t let go.” A sob interrupts me. I take a deep breath. “Seb’s not here yet. You can’t leave before he tells you goodbye.Ineed Seb here if you die. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose either of you.”
I sidle closer until my forehead touches his cheek. Each shallow, sacred breath he whispers soothes me. I want to slow down time and stay here with him, live out the rest of our lives in the widening space between his heartbeats, and hide inside a fantasy where he’s safe and warm and smiling.
I nuzzle my face against his neck and close my eyes. I wish he smelled like him instead of the ocean. My hand relaxes in his.
Javi kicks my foot. “No sleeping.”
“Sorry.” I prop myself up on one arm. “Can I kiss him?”
“I think he’d kick your ass if you didn’t.”
“He definitely would.”
Javi takes off the oxygen mask. I bow my head and slowly press my lips to Cole’s. He’s so cold and lifeless, my Sleeping Beauty, except my kiss does nothing to revive him.
“Kiss me back,” I say against his lips. “Sunshine, please. Kiss me back,” I try again. “You can’t die. I have to kiss your smile again.”