“Yes, please do!” I grip my hands together and try not to bounce in my seat.
“Before I was able to find out whatiscorrelating, I had to cross a few things off the list that were not. There is no correlation between how long you’re on a date and how intense the awkwardness is. There’s no correlation between your date’s socioeconomic status and how awkward the date is. And there’s no correlation with their age, physical attractiveness, et cetera. But I did find one thing.”
I’m fucking riveted.
Lex clicks to the next slide. “Things began to make sense when I combined several data points into one key data set: length of time of the date before things became awkward, amount of awkward moments, and intensity of awkward moments, which gives me the ‘AF.’”
“‘As fuck’?”
“‘Awkward Factor,’” she corrects, though judging by the appearance of her dimples the entendre is intended. She continues, clicking to the next slide, which features anotherspreadsheet. “Then I cross-referenced with a few other factors. There were some slight correlations, but it wasn’t until I factored inthisthat I found anything of significance.”
She clicks to the next slide, and I’m met with a graph showing several dots connected with a line rising in an angle from left to right.
“Holy shit,” I murmur.
“As you can see, there is a slight linear trajectory,” Lex says, like I know what that means.
I squint at the axis. “X is ‘AF,’ Awkward Factor. What’s Y?”
Lex takes her sweet-ass time building the suspense before clicking to the next slide. “Attraction.”
“I’m confused.” I raise an eyebrow. “The sexier the person is the more likely my date will be awkward?”
“Not physical attraction.” Lex gesticulates with one hand while balancing her laptop on the other. “It seems to be related to how invested you were in continuing the date, regardless of how handsome they were, how much money they flashed in front of you, or how well the date seemed to be going.”
“Diabolical,” I say, jutting my thumbnail into my mouth to chew. “So, this whole time, the more I wanted the date to go well, the worse it got?”
Lex nods. “Yes.”
“So, the curse was guaranteed to push away anyone I found interesting.”
“Precisely.”
I think for a moment. “So then the more awkward things get, the more likely that person is to be the one to break my curse.”
“Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far. As far as science goes, this is barely scientific.” Lex points to the graph as she delves into a long rant about P values and sample sizes and outliers and null hypotheses.
“Lex, this is the closest I’ve ever got to an answer,” I say, cutting her off. “If there’s even a chance we can break the curse, then it’s worth a try.”
Lex sighs, dropping her gaze. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
“It’s far too late for that, my friend.” I stand, joining her at the TV to get a closer look at the graph. “Let’s say this is all accurate and it follows all the rules for all that smart shit you said. Then wouldn’t it mean that the more awkward things are, the more likely the person is the right one for me?”
Lex eyes me, like she’s fighting with her inner scientist to tell me something that may not be true. “Based on whatlittleevidence we have and thebarelysignificant P value and thevariousoutliers, then yes, you could say that.”
“Of course.” I pace the room, going over all the dates I’ve ever had. “This whole time, the way to cure the curse was to run toward it, not away from it. Instead of avoiding second dates, I should be seeking them out.”
Lex shrugs. “I think that’d be a healthy next step.”
“But how would I make someone fall in love with me?” I ask, pinching my bottom lip between my fingers.
“Makesomeone fall in love with you?”
“You know what I mean. Like, how do I go from dating this person to breaking the curse with true love?”
Lex thinks a moment. “I guess in fairy tales it’s usually true love’s kiss that fixes curses.”
I laugh. “You’re right. But my life is about as far away from a Disney movie as it can get.”