“Of course it wasn’t. The good ones never are.”
I sighed. “He stopped it.” I emptied the contents of the shot glass into the orange cocktail.
She frowned. “Okay, I didn’t expect that. He’s a few years older than you, right?”
“Four, to be exact.”
Her frown deepened. “So it’s not like he’s scared he’ll mess you up.” She paused. “But he has, hasn’t he?”
I shook his head slowly. “No. In fact, everything made sense after it.”
Raquel studied me for a moment. “So, why are you here instead of home?”
“Because I’m trying not to go back and make it worse.”
She let out a sigh. “Cam, you’re not going to un-feel it by hiding in a bar.” She reached across the table and covered my hand. “If it’s real—and itsoundsreal—then go after it. Life’s too short for waiting until it’s safe.”
I stared into my glass. “He’s… Gary’s best friend.”
“And? You’re not sixteen anymore. Stop apologising for being alive.”
I laughed, the sound shaky. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It isn’t.” She smiled. “But it’s worth it.” She expelled a breath. “Now, you tell me about college, and I’ll tellyouabout the hot guy who can’t get enough of me.” She grinned. “Although this might not be the place to tell some of my stories.” She leaned across the table and whispered, “He likes going back to nature, if you catch my drift.”
I nearly choked on my martini. “One of these days you’re going to end up arrested.”
“Only if we cause someone ‘alarm or distress’,” she air-quoted. “I’m getting a real education about naturism in the UK.”
We talked, ordered another round, then talked some more until the bar thinned and the cocktails dulled the sharp edges of my nerves. Not drunk, just looser.
When Raquel finally stood, she squeezed my shoulder. “Call an Uber. Text me when you’re home. And Cam?” She cupped my cheek. “Don’t let him run forever.”
I smiled, unsteady but grateful. “Yes, ma’am.”
Outside, the night air was cool, full of London’s ordinary noise. I wandered along Old Compton Street, and when I reached the off-licence, I went inside and bought a canned cocktail before searching for an Uber. I drank the cocktail in a couple of long gulps.
My senses were dulled, but not enough.
As the taxi carried me back through the city, I rested my head against the seat. My reflection stared back at me, half-blurred by streetlight.
I whispered to the glass, just loud enough to hear myself.
“I’m not done. Not even close.”
Theo
I glanced at my phone. Past midnight.
I was still at the desk, listening to the pipes, the hum of the fridge, the silence that had stretched thin as a wire since Cameron left. I’d told myself I was waiting up out of courtesy, not worry.
Except courtesy didn’t feel like this. Every sound from the street below made my chest tighten. When I finally heard feet on the stairs, I was by the door before I knew it.
Cameron came in on a breath of cool air and alcohol, his eyes bright, his smile crooked.
“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he said, his voice slurring a little.
“I wasn’t asleep.”