I nodded once. “Oh yeah. It makes everything harder.”
“Or simpler,” Max countered. “Depending on how you look at it.”
I gave a humourless laugh. “You think this is simple?”
“Ithinkyou’ve spent so long convincing yourself that control equals safety, you’ve forgotten what living feels like.” Max softened his tone. “He’s not a mistake, Theo. He’s a choice.”
I looked at him then, my eyes tired. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It isn’t,” Max said. “But it’s real. And real’s better than perfect.”
Outside, a siren wailed in the distance, fading into the hum of the city. I wondered if Cameron was home yet.
“Admit you want him. That would be a real breakthrough.”
“It doesn’t matter if I do. I can’t risk it,” I said finally. “If Gary ever found out?—”
“Who the fuck cares what Gary thinks? It’s not his life. And so what if he’s pissed?” Max interjected. “He’ll get over it, because a, his brother will be happy and b, you’re not the villain you think you are.”
I shook his head. “You don’t know Gary.”
“I don’t need to.” Max’s smile returned, faint but real. “I knowyou. And I know you’re falling for him. You can spend the rest of your life pretending you’re steadying yourself, or you can admit you’re already on the ground.”
I gave a slow, reluctant smile of my own. “You sound disgustingly poetic tonight.”
“I’m drunk on good singing and righteous friendship.” Max smiled. “A dangerous combination.” He smirked. “Debrief over. Now let’s get out of here.”
I huffed a laugh. “You’re impossible.”
“I prefer irreplaceable.”
I followed him out into the Soho night, the air damp and electric. As we stepped onto the slick pavement, I found myself glancing west, towards Hammersmith.
Towards home.
Max caught the look and grinned. “He’s still going to be there, you know.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“Then go and find him.”
Chapter Fourteen
Theo
The rain had easedto a fine mist, the kind that blurred the edges of everything: streetlights, neon, the shape of my own reflection in passing shopfronts.
I walked without hurry, my coat collar turned up, Max’s words circling my head like an echo I couldn’t shake.
Go and find him.
It sounded so simple when Max said it. As though all I had to do was walk home, open the door, and admit what I already knew.
But Max doesn’t live inside my head.
I hadn’t spent years learning how to hold everything together through control, to know how easily a single mistake could unspool it all.
I headed for the Tube in Leicester Square, rainwater squelching beneath my shoes. London on a Tuesday night was still awake. Sirens echoed in the distance, laughter spilled out of pubs, all of it part of the rhythm of a city that didn’t know when to rest. I envied that kind of recklessness.