“I’m fine.” A short sentence that sounded way too abrupt.
Cameron hesitated. “You sure?”
I nodded without looking. “Yes.” Except I was nowhere near sure, but if I admitted that, I’d have to admit why. I heard Cameron rise from the sofa, his footsteps muted against the hardwood. I kept my eyes on the screen even though the characters were blurry.
A hand settled on my shoulder, light, warm, and harmless.
Except it wasn’t harmless at all.
My entire body went rigid, and my pulse spiked, a violent jolt beneath the skin. The bright, ordinary room tilted sharply.
Cameron didn’t notice right away. He gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze. It was a kind gesture, but all I felt was the memory of fingers closing around my wrist years ago.
Luka’s grip, gentle enough to pretend softness, firm enough to dictate stillness.
“Slow down. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
My throat closed. I couldn’t breathe. My vision tunnelled. The walls seemed to lean inward, too close, too loud. Cameron’s touch burned, not with desire, but with the echo of an old wound tearing open.
“Theo?” Cameron’s voice dipped into concern. He withdrew his hand. “Hey. Are you okay?”
“I—” I stood so quickly the armchair scraped harshly against the floor. I stumbled back, my breath snagging in my chest.
Cameron stepped forward instinctively, and I flinched.
He froze, his hands raised in harmless surrender. “It’s okay. I’m not—I didn’t mean?—”
I shook my head, unable to speak, my heart beating too fast, too loud. Panic clawed at me, hot and choking. My lungs refused to cooperate. I pressed a hand to the desk to steady myself.
It didn’t work.
“Don’t—” I managed finally, my voice hoarse. “Please. Just—don’t.”
Cameron’s wide-eyed look of shock, confusion and hurt was as tangible as a blow.
I hate myself.
I forced a breath in, forced my spine straight, forced the panic back into its cage with sheer will.
“I just…” My voice trembled. I hated that too. “I need a minute.”
Cameron nodded slowly, his eyes dark and searching. “Of course. Take whatever you need.”
The gentleness in his tone made my chest seize.
Luka never spoke like that.But then Luka never paused or softened, never asked what I needed, and somehow that made it worse.
Cameron backed away, giving me space. Too much space. The gap between us yawned wide and hollow.
I stood. “I think I’ll go work in my room. I need to concentrate.”
Cameron frowned. “At this time of night? Shouldn’t you be winding down?”
I shrugged. “It isn’t that late. And I have a lot of work on at the moment, so every minute helps.” I forced a smile. “In case I don’t surface again, I’ll say good night now.” I picked up mylaptop, my sheaf of papers, and headed for the sanctuary of my room.
The door clicked shut behind me, and I was alone in the quiet. Except my heartbeat wouldn’t slow, and Luka’s ghost wouldn’t leave, repeating that soft, poisonous mantra?—
“You’re better when you’re quiet.”