Because what I’d heard wasn’t heat or even lust. It was raw, unguarded longing, the sound of someone finally giving in to wanting what they couldn’t have.
I’d spent years pretending that kind of wanting didn’t exist. That self-control was safety.
The evidence of its existence was ten feet away, breathing soft and steady, asleep, unknowing.
And you just made alotof assumptions.
I ran a hand over my face, my chest tight.
The silence felt too intimate now, like a secret we were both keeping.
Things can’t stay like this.
Something had shifted.
Something that wouldn’t shift back.
And as I stared into the dark, my heart pounding, one thought kept circling, quiet and helpless.
He’s not a boy anymore.
The thought that followed was softer, yet more dangerous:
And I don’t know how to pretend I don’t hear him.
Chapter Nine
Cameron
The smellof coffee hit first.
I blinked awake to the sound of the kettle clicking off and the faint scrape of a mug against the counter. Morning light spilled through the half-drawn curtains in pale stripes, turning the living room gold. My head felt foggy, my body, heavy. For a second, I forgot where I was.
Then I saw the sketchbook on the coffee table and remembered everything.
Worse still, I remembered last night. And that included the lube I’d left standing on the floor next to the sofa.
Heat crept up the back of my neck. I didn’t dare move.
Maybe if I stay perfectly still, time will reverse itself, and I can go back to the moment when I decided I needed to have a wank and tell myselfnot to be so fucking stupid.
No such luck. Theo’s footsteps crossed the small kitchen, muffled, steady, and confident, as always.
I cleared my throat. “Morning.” I reached down to where the lube sat, but reversed the motion when Theo turned, mug in hand.
“Morning.”
The word came out even. He wore a white T-shirt and jeans. His face was calm, but his eyes held a shuttered, guarded expression, as if he’d built an even higher wall between us in the few hours since we’d last spoken.
I sat up, the blanket sliding off my chest. “You’re up early.”
“I didn’t sleep much.”
Shit.
“Same here.”
The words hung there, charged, until Theo looked away and filled another mug from the kettle.