Turning onto my side, I tugged the blanket up to my chest. The pillow held a scent I recognised. Theo’s. Clean, warm, and far too easy to notice once I’d realised it was there. I tried to ignore it, tried to think about anything else.
What came to mind was Theo’s hand brushing mine when he passed me the mug that morning. The memory kept replaying in my head, followed by the look in his eyes when he said goodnight—warmth held carefully in check. Even my name had sounded different in his mouth, quieter somehow.
My eyes squeezed shut, as if that would stop it.
It didn’t. If anything, everything sharpened—the ache in my chest, the pulse in my throat, the want I’d been pushing down for years under good intentions and bad timing.
It had been easier when Theo was far away. When the crush had been theoretical, nothing but a memory, a what-if.
Now Theo was ten, maybe twenty feet away, separated by a thin wall and a lifetime of boundaries.
And I couldn’t stop wanting him.
The darkness pressing in around me suddenly felt oppressive, and I reached for the lamp in the corner. Warm light flooded the room, and I froze, listening for any sign that I’d disturbed Theo.
Nothing.
I exhaled slowly, lying back down and pressing my face into the pillow. My body felt too awake, too aware of itself. Every breath felt loud. Every heartbeat felt like a confession.
From down the hall, there was still no sound. Theo was asleep.
That made it worse, and somehow easier at the same time.
I told myself to stop thinking, to just breathe.
But the silence, the closeness, the way Theo’s scent clung to the air, all of it pulled at me, making me reckless in a way I didn’t recognise.
I shifted, restless, my eyes still closed. The room seemed to lean in, the air thick with something unnamed.
And in that fragile, lonely moment, I let go of every bit of control I’d been clinging to.
I let myself imagine what I shouldn’t.
Justfeel.
I threw off the sheet and blanket, then slid my hand into my boxers, not my usual sleepwear but this wasn’t my usual place to sleep. I freed my dick, pushing my boxers down, then removed them altogether. The little bag where I kept my toiletries was on the floor beside the sofa: I’d deliberately not left it in the bathroom, for fear of making the space seem cluttered, making Theo uncomfortable.
I reached into it for the small bottle of lube I kept there,snickedit open, and squeezed a few drops onto my fingertips. I smeared the viscous liquid over the head of my cock, then keeping the touch light, I slid the foreskin up and down, using only a couple of fingers. With the other, I cupped and stroked my balls, squeezing them, eyes tight shut.
You can’t make a sound. He’ll hear you.
That perverse voice at the back of my head chuckled.
Let him.
I spread my legs wide and gave a gentle push up with my hips, sliding my shaft through the funnel of my hand. After adding more lube, I quickened the pace, my breathing growing shallower, harsher as I tightened my grip, giving it a twist now and then.
My head was full of Theo.
I shivered. How would it feel if it was Theo’s hand wrapped around my cock? Theo’s fingers brushing over my nipples? Theo’s palm cupping my sac, weighing it…
And then the breath caught in my throat.
What if Theo was inside me?
Jesus fucking Christ.
I raised one leg into the air and reached down to rub a fingertip over my hole. The skin there was warm and puckered, and I cursed myself for leaving my dildo packed in one of the boxes with the rest of my stuff. I tapped against it, shudders rippling through me at the very idea of Theo’s tongue there, something I’d often thought about but never experienced.