“It was great meeting all of you,” I said. Truth, mostly.
I let myself look at Theo then because it would have been rude not to. Up close, Theo’s eyes were darker than I remembered. Or maybe it was just the light.
I ignored my pounding heart. “Still all rules and routines, Theo?” I managed a grin to lighten the words. “Or do you ever let yourself break curfew?”
Theo smirked, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “Someone has to keep order.”
For a second I saw how this might have gone if life had been kinder, or if I’d been braver. I saw myself as the sixteen-year-old who used to do his homework in the quiet corner near where Theo sat.
I saw all the years in between.
Years of wanting someone I couldn’t have.
“That someone doesn’t have to be you all the time.” I don’t know where the next words came from, some part of me that felt it was okay to take a risk. “You’d look good out of order.”
Something flickered across Theo’s face then, as though he’d heard the meaning under my words. I felt that look all the way through me and pretended I didn’t.
“Enjoy your night, Cameron,” Theo said, his tone as smooth as a closed door.
“Always do,” I lied, and turned before the heat in my chest could climb my throat and steal my breath.
I didn’t go far. I didn’t bolt, but found Ben by the bar, flushed and thrilled, a boy who’d just realised he wasn’t going to break if someone touched him. I let that happiness tug me back to myself. I laughed, genuinely, because Ben’s joy was easy to carry.
But later, when I stepped outside into the wet dark of a London night that smelled like rain and petrol and chips, I leaned against the brick wall and sucked in cold air. I put a hand over my mouth and realised I’d been shaking ever since Theo had saidYou shouldn’t be here.
I wasn’t part of this scene. I hadn’t come for that. I’d come for a friend.
I could still remember the shape of Theo’s shoulder blade under his shirt when I’d leaned in to read the menu, as if my body had noticed it before my brain did. I thought about the way my own words had tried to protect me—and how badly they’d failed.
I texted Raquel, my confidante since high school, the keeper of my secrets, the only one who knew.
Cameron:Saw Theo tonight.
Where?
A leather bar.
Something you wanna tell me?
I rolled my eyes.I was helping a friend. But I survived. Barely.
So did you make a move on Theo?
I snorted and typedHe doesn’t even know I’m gay.
Then it hit me.
You shouldn’t be here.
My chest tightened. Did he mean in a gay bar? That kinda made sense.
Her text pinged in.You okay?
I stared at the neon reflected in a puddle and made myself type.
Yeah. I will be.
Then, because some stubborn part of me insisted on honesty even when it hurt, I added: