Then there was that quiet voice at the back of my mind that kept saying what we had going didn’t need to end when I finally quit crashing on Theo’s couch.
I put the kettle on to make tea, while Theo peered at his phone.
“You can stop hiding now,” I told him. I caught the hitch in his breathing, but I ploughed ahead regardless. “I do get it. Whenever you get scared, you hide.” I turned around to face him. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not asking you to be perfect.” I looked him in the eye. “I’m asking you to be here.”
Theo’s jaw worked. “Iamhere.”
“No, you’re not.” My pulse quickened. “Yourbodyis here. The rest of you is in some locked room you won’t let me into.”
Theo’s breath faltered once more, and I knew I’d hit the mark.
I stepped closer to him. “If something’s wrong, tell me. Don’t shut me out.”
He swallowed hard, lowering his eyes. “I’m not shutting you out.”
I arched my eyebrows. “That’s not how it looks from my side.” I sighed. “Theo… look at me.”
He raised his chin, and my heartbeat stuttered. I saw defensiveness in the set of his jaw, but there was something else.
He looks like I’ve wounded him.
More than that, Theo looked scared.
“Cameron… you don’t understand how complicated I am.”
“Then explain.” Closer. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“I don’t want to fight either,” I told him. “I just want the truth.”
Theo rubbed his palms against his jeans.
“Then let’s start with something small.” I placed my hand on his arm. “Why are you pulling away?”
Theo
My breathing quickened, and I had to force the words out.
“I’m scared.”
Cameron’s gaze became softer, more tender. “Of me?”
“No.” I swallowed hard. “Of wanting you.”
He blinked, clearly stunned. “Theo…”
I stared at the rug. “I don’t trust wanting. Wanting makes me lose control. Losing control gets me hurt.”
“That’s Luka talking,” Cameron whispered.
I flinched as if he’d struck me.
“Theo, I’m not him. I’m not going to punish you for having feelings. Or for needing things.”
My throat tightened. “I’ve never had someone like you. I don’t know if I can handle it.”
“You don’t handle it,” he said quietly. “You just let yourself feel it.”