Heat slammed into me like a body blow, and I snapped my gaze away so quickly it must’ve looked like pain. My skin tingled, my palms were damp, and my chest tightened further. I could smell Cameron’s shampoo from across the room. I could still feel Cameron’s mouth on my throat, the way he’d trembled against me, the way he’d saidI always have.
Other words stirred below the surface of that memory.
You want too much.
You’re too much.
You ruin everything.
My stomach lurched.
Max touched my arm. “Theo.”
“I’mfine,” I ground out. The lie stuck in my throat. I felt as if I was vibrating out of tune with myself.
Cameron walked toward me, slow, unsure, hopeful. One look at that sweet face, and my heartbeat stuttered. I wanted him again, right then and there, wanted him so much it hurt.
And that was the problem.
Cameron stopped a few feet away. “Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”
I couldn’t answer. My throat wouldn’t work. My lungs wouldn’t cooperate. My heart thumped as if it wanted out of my chest.
I forced myself to nod. “Just… tired.”
It was obvious from Cameron’s expression that he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t push. Instead, he stepped back.
I wanted to close my eyes, because watching him walk away felt worse than wanting him. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared of desire.
I was scared of losing what I’d only just let myself have.
“Break over,” I croaked.
Now all I had to do was act as if everything was normal, when it was anything but.
I packed up my notes, letting the group’s voices wash over me. I knew the rehearsal hadn’t been a success. What should havebeen a great moment, finally singing in a new studio, had been ruined, and that had been down to me.
Even Cameron had recognised that. He’d left after only thirty minutes.
Doubtless he’ll have something to say about it when I get home.
I didn’t want to think about going home, though. My gut was still in turmoil.
Max and I were the last to leave. I said goodnight as we left the studio, then I hurried away, as if putting distance between us could stop whatever was clawing at me. The air outside was cold, but not cold enough. I needed freezing, silence…
“Hey.” A hand clamped around my arm. “Stop.”
I had no intention of stopping, but that only made Max tug harder. Then he planted himself in front of me, blocking my path, his chest rising and falling as if he’d been sprinting.
“What thefuckis happening?” he demanded.
I stared past him. “Nothing.”
“No.” Max stepped closer. “We arenotdoing the ‘nothing’ thing. Not when you looked as though you were about to pass out in front of the group.”
“I said I’m fine.”
“And I said you’re lying!” Max’s voice cracked like a whip. I flinched, and his face softened. “Talk to me.”