Allen didn’t give him a pitying look, but he could tell he was upset for him. “But you could have done it? Made it to the NHL?”
Yeah, it was weird to think he could be playing alongside famous names like Jett Fraser and Hartley Meadows, but Jake didn’t let it bother him.
“I could have,” said Jake. “I don’t mind playing for the beer league. There’s less travel. More time at home. And Riley plays with me.”
Allen gave him a slow, understanding nod. “As long as you’re happy, then I won’t judge your father, but damn. It’s been a while since I watched hockey, but I can tell you’re good.”
The praise…did something. Jake felt like the warmest and softest blanket had just been wrapped around him, making his skin tingle.
“I only played because my parents forced me to,” said Allen, returning his attention to his menu in a move Jake assumed was to avoid eye contact. “My sister is a huge name in the PWHL. She had always been talented as a kid, and my parents wanted us both to play sports, so they made me join with her to save travel expenses.”
Allen had a sister in the Professional Women’s Hockey League. He wished he had asked for his last name so he could figure out who she was.
“They had good intentions at first, but it quickly became less about me being a good big brother and turned into me being ungrateful when they spent too much money on my equipment every year.” Allen’s smile vanished, and Jake could tell this wasa painful memory for him. “I just wanted to be a nerd and play video games and read books. That’s arguably less expensive than sticks and skates.”
Infinitely less expensive.
“Were you any good?” Jake asked, unable to help himself. He knew Allen was uncomfortable, but his mouth sometimes said things without him meaning to.
“I was okay,” said Allen. “I didn’t like getting crushed against the boards, so I made sure I was fast so I could dodge hits. It wasn’t the game that was awful, it was more…the locker room.”
The locker room? Jake couldn’t wrap his mind around that. To him, the locker room banter was easily one of the best parts about playing hockey.
“I know what you’re thinking,” said Allen. “But I’m older than you by a significant amount, and when I was playing hockey, being gay in a room full of naked straight guys wasn’t as accepted as it is today.”
Right. Allen said he was older, so that would make sense if he played hockey before the discrimination rules were put into place.
“How old are you?” Jake asked.
Fuck, why was he so stupid?
Their waiter appeared, interrupting his awkward fucking moment. Jake quickly ordered his usual, and then, because he was being extra stupid tonight, he ordered for Allen without asking.
When the waiter left with the menus, Jake groaned and tucked himself into a ball, smacking his head against the table. His ears were starting to buzz, and that was never a good sign.
He knew Allen said he was okay with the autism, but would that last if Jake went into full overstimulation mode?
“You okay?”
Hands lay over top of Jake’s, which had ended up covering his ears at some point.
“Do you need pressure, or the opposite?”
Jake wanted to speak, but his diaphragm was spasming, keeping him from drawing in oxygen.
“It’s alright.”
Allen’s hands pushed down, turning the sound of his voice into muffled vibrations.
“I’m thirty—my birthday was on December first, so I’ve been bitter about it, but I don’t care that you asked me. You don’t have to be embarrassed, Jake. I think I’mwaymore awkward than you, but it might be hard to tell since I’m good at hiding it when I want.”
The spasming shuddered to a stop, and Jake took in a deep breath of beautiful air.
“Oh, the talking is helping. Well, my sister, I know you wanted to ask for her name, and I’m just realizing that I never told you mine. My last name is Monroe, so if you know the PWHL world, you know my sister is April Monroe. Jeez, I don’t think I know your last name either.”
Jake wanted to point out that they hadn’t made it to that point because Allen was determined to keep him firmly in thefriend with benefitscategory, and he couldn’t stand for that.
“It’s Valero,” said Jake.