“You're not. You're holding it. Out for four. Come on.”
I let the breath out. It shudders.
“Good. Again.”
I do it again.
The third time, the tears spill over, and I swipe them away with my fingers.
“I'm fine,” I insist. It sounds like a lie even to my own ears.
“You're not.”
“I will be,” I insist.
The corners of Paige's mouth curl into a small smile. “Better.”
She rocks back onto her heels and watches me for a long second.
“You're going back out there today,” she says.
“Yes.”
“For Peanut.”
“For Peanut.”
“And for animal-tamer-Rowe.”
I can feel my cheeks flushing. “Paige.”
“Just clarifying.”
I huff. It's not quite a laugh, but I don't think I can even manage one after the shitshow we just had.
She stands.
“Wren. That man—” she tips her chin to where Dr. Vance stormed out, “—does not get to decide whether your work matters. Whetheryoumatter. Okay?”
I take one more steadying breath. “Okay.”
But I might have to repeat the words to myself a few more times before I believe them.
7
ROWE
Ourmeeting trailer always smells the same. Like mediocre coffee and whatever colognes the boys decided to wear today.
I take the seat closest to the door because that's the seat I always take, then I rest my forearms on the table and lace my fingers, trying to look like a man who slept.
Across from me, Logan drops into his chair hard enough that the legs scrape across the floor. He hasn't stopped smirking since breakfast. He hasn'tsaidanything since breakfast either, which is somehow worse, because he normally can’t keep anything to himself.
Cole is on the long bench against the wall, balancing a paring knife on the pad of his index finger. Jonah is wedged into the corner with a mug that looks like a thimble in his hand. Marek is in the seat he always takes, in a shadowy corner, his deck face down in front of him, his light gray eyes focused on nothing.
Jules sits at Elias's right. Nova sits in Silas's lap, which is the only place she ever sits when she's in this trailer, one hand on the small swell of her stomach, the other tuggingthe chain of her key pendant back and forth across the hollow of her throat. Teddy stands behind them, arms crossed, the bulk of his sidearm a faint shape under his jacket. He hasn't quite gotten the carnival's habit of sitting on every available surface yet. Or wearing casual clothes.
Elias raps the ruby of his cane against the table once.