He could get on your last damn nerve, but if you called him at three in the morning and said you needed him, he’d be on the way before asking what happened.
My aunt cried through most of the service. Me and Uncle Henry took turns wrapping our arms around her as she leaned into our chests. He was in bad shape too, but not nearly as bad as her.
Every now and then, she’d whisper something about Sam that made her cry even harder. By the time they opened the floor for anyone who wanted to speak, several people had already made their way toward the front.
I wasn’t one of them.
Public speaking had never been a problem for me. I could stand in front of a room full of people and talk businesswithout thinking twice, but I didn’t have anything to say about Sam that I wanted to share with a church full of people. What I had to say to my cousin was between me and him.
Mace surprised me when he stood.
My eyes followed him as he walked toward the front of the church. He stopped beside the casket for a few seconds before moving to the microphone, and from where I sat, I could see him struggling to pull himself together.
“Sam was…” He stopped and cleared his throat before trying again. “Sam was one of the most annoying mothafuckas I ever met.”
A few laughs echoed through the church, including one from my aunt.
Mace smiled, but it didn’t last long.
“He talked too much. Always had something to say, and half the time, nobody asked his opinion.” He looked down for a second before continuing. “But he was solid. If Sam told youhe had you, he had you. You didn’t have to question it.”
His voice changed near the end, and although most people probably didn’t notice, I did.
Mace wasn’t a man who got emotional in front of people. I’d seen him angry. I’d even seen him laugh until tears came out of his eyes. I’d seen him ready to kill somebody. Hell, I’d seen him actually kill mothafuckas, but I’d never seen him fight this hard to keep himself together.
“He was my brother,” Mace finished, his words coming out in just above a whisper. “I’mamiss him.”
He stepped away from the microphone before anybody could see much more than that and returned to his seat. I looked at him when he sat down, but he kept his eyes straight ahead.
Again, I let it go.
The service continued, and by the time we made it to the cemetery, I was ready for the day to be over. Not because I wanted to leave my family, but because every minute made Sam’s death feel more permanent. At the hospital, there had still been chaos surrounding everything. Police asking questions. Doctors moving around. Family coming and going. Since then, I’d stayed busy making sure my aunt didn’t have to worry about funeral arrangements or anything else.
Standing in front of a hole in the ground was different.
There was nothing left to handle.
My aunt held onto my arm while the pastor spoke. I barely heard a word he said. My attention stayed on the casket until they started lowering it, and that was when she broke down again.
“No… no, wait.”
She moved forward before I could stop her, and I caught her around the waist.
“Come on, Auntie.”
“That’s my baby, Kaiden.”
“I know.”
“They can’t put my baby down there.”
Her words damn near took me out, but I held it together for her. I turned her away from the grave and pulled her against me while she cried into my chest.
“I got you,” I told her. “I got you.”
I didn’t know how long we stood here, but I knew it was long enough for most of the crowd to start clearing out. Family members came over to hug her, and I stayed beside her until she was finally ready to leave.
Mace had barely moved.