“What?No, no, everyone was great,” she assured him.“Worth every penny, however many pennies it was.”
“It was a lot of pennies,” he said drily.“And I tipped them more.”
“Good, that’s good,” she said with a nod, then blurted out, “You said you loved me.Last night.You said you loved me.”
His face went momentarily blank, then he bent forward to set his coffee down again.“I didn’t think you heard me.”
Anxiety vanished, replaced by in irritation.“I heard you.There was a dick in my mouth, not my ear.Did you mean it?”
His lips twitched, but his gaze remained guarded.“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”
“When?”she demanded.
“When, what?”
“When did you start loving me again?”
He shook his head.“Still.”
“What?”
“Still,” he repeated.“I never stopped loving you.”
She stared at him.“But…you dumped me.”
He sighed.“Because I was stupid, and scared.”
“Scared?”she repeated.
His smile was small, and sad.“I told you, I’m better at hiding it then you.”
“But…why?”
“Because I loved you.”He said it baldly, his eyes on hers, and her heart clutched at the stark vulnerability she read there.“I’d never loved anyone like I loved you.”
“Me neither,” she murmured.
“I thought, ‘there’s no way she can love me as much as I love her’.And I knew one day you’d find someone you loved more, or fall out of love with me, and I’d be left with a broken heart.”He paused, his mouth twisting in a wry smile.“I’d tell myself I was just being paranoid, and I’d try not to think about it.But it was always there, in the back of my mind.Then we had that fight, and that asshole Kyle told me about you blowing Graham Isaac, and I thought ‘well, there’s my out’ and I dumped you.
“And I knew, as soon as I did it—hell,whileI was doing it—that I was fucking up.But I couldn’t stop.After you left I drank myself into a stupor, convinced myself I was better off.And the next morning I woke up in a puddle of my own puke, and realized I’d thrown away…everything that mattered.And I’ve spent every moment since trying to figure out how to get it back.”
She couldn’t breathe.She didn’t doubt he was telling the truth—she could see it in his eyes, hear it in the words he’d ripped from his soul.Feel it in the answering joy that sang in her own heart.
But with the joy was fear.He’d loved her before, and he’d still broken her heart.
“I loved you so much,” she blurted out.“I thought I’d die when you threw me out.”
Regret darkened his eyes, pain tightened his mouth.“I know.”
“I almost didn’t graduate.It took me years to get over you.Years, Nash.”
“I know.”
“And now, I’m just supposed to…what?What am I supposed to do?”
His gaze was cautious now, like he didn’t quite know what to say.“That’s up to you.”
She paced away, then back again.The cinnamon rolls were sitting heavy in her stomach, and she wished desperately for something to drink.“You lied to me.”