“We don’t.” Her harsh words sliced through him.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I wanted to help you.”
He tightened his grip on the wheel. “So, what? That was a pity fuck?”
“Come on, Ash. You needed that and you chose me. It was good for me, too. We…we go back to the way things were.”
“Is that what you want?”
Pregnant pause. “Yes.”
Muscles running down his shoulders tensed. Tell her how you really feel. Instead, he let go of her hand. “Whatever you think best.”
She stared out the passenger window. “I’m here to help you manage through your loss.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Now what?”
“We attend the funeral tomorrow.”
“Right. Got it.”
They drove the rest of the way in a frigid silence. As they walked into the hotel, she hugged herself. He wanted to hold her close, warm her, but she kept her distance. Never at a loss for conversation, they rode the elevator in continued silence.
The chilly atmosphere followed them down the hallway. He pulled her to a stop outside her room. “I know you and something is off.”
Her smile didn’t touch her eyes. “I just need some sleep, that’s all.”
He threw out his arms and painted on a grin. “How about a Hott hug goodnight?”
She embraced him. Did she regret what they’d done? Did she want sex with that other man? Had she wanted more sex with him at the club? He had no fucking clue.
“Thank you for tonight.” His sincere words sounded crass. He wanted to ask her to come into his room. He wanted to hold her while they slept. He needed her and that scared the living hell out of him. Ashton Hott had never needed anyone.
Ever.
By design and on purpose.
She steeled her spine. “Let’s grab breakfast on the way.” She opened her hotel room. “G’night, Ash.” Her door banged shut.
He stood alone in the hallway. Dammit, this was a mistake. I’ve lost her. He entered his room and undressed. How the hell can we go back to being just friends? How are we supposed to do that?
He wanted her in his bed, beneath him. He wanted to explore her and ravage her. He wanted to please her and learn from her.
Because of her, he’d pushed past his fury and loss. The pall of death messed with his head and his heart. But she’d torn down his walls, this time with ecstasy, then smacked him back into the friend zone.
Frustration had him seeing red. Had their sex been a mistake? He had no roadmap because there was no one like Carly. He’d bedded numerous women, but he had no deep, meaningful relationships with them. With Carly, he’d had a rock-solid relationship, but no sexual intimacy. How was he supposed to marry the two with someone who wasn’t even interested?
It would be easier to call it what it was—a pity fuck—and move forward. But Maverick never took the easy route.
Carly had breathed life back into him. For those moments they’d been together, he’d locked out the world and locked in on her. After brushing his teeth, he slid beneath the linens.
Alone. Always alone.
But that was his doing, his choice. No one could see him unravel when the demons came racing back.
He turned off the bedside lamp and closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come. So, he locked his fingers behind his head and stared at the ceiling. His thoughts drifted back to Carly and a friendship that had begun decades ago.