That's the most unhinged thing anyone has ever said to me and I've been on tour with Sandy Gauntlet.
Who is that?
My guitarist. She once ate a raw onion on a dare and then played a ninety-minute set without drinking water.
Oh ew.
She threw up in a guitar case afterward. It wasn’t even her guitar case!
Let me guess, it was yours?
Yup.
I laugh out loud at my desk. Susan across the room glances over. I pretend to be looking at the reconciliation report and type another message under my desk where nobody can see.
You let her back in the band after that?
She bought me a new case. It was almost worth the trauma.
Was it?
No. That old case smelled for weeks. I took it out to the fire escape to air it out, and my neighbor told the building manager about a weird smell.
Oh no.
And then I received an email from management. Sandy framed it. She has it on her bathroom wall.
We texted through the afternoon. Throughout my commute, standing on the train with one hand on the rail and the other on my phone, typing responses between stations. During dinner, which I eat with my phone propped against the salt shaker, reading her replies between bites of rice. Also in the evening, on the couch in pyjamas, the TV on mute, my phone warm in my hand.
The conversation shifts registers as the hours pass. From silly to specific, the way conversations do when the dark comes in and the day's performance drops away.
You know what I realized?she texts.
What?
You could have just left me at the airport.
I mean you were good company.
So we’re square, then. Mask for soup.
Excuse me?We were never even. You broke my mask and I fed you soup. That's me winning.
You're probably right.
I know I'm right. I post detailed technical analyses of drumming technique. I'm right about everything.
That's not how expertise works.
You don't know how my expertise works. You haven't asked.
Tell me then.
I pause. This is where I'm supposed to make a joke, or change the subject. This is where I keep things light.
I started a fan account because I needed to believe I was capable of caring about something that mattered. I needed proof that the attention I pay to things had value. That if I could see what Riley Puth was doing with her hands, I could be someone worth knowing.
You are worth knowing.