“I sent one. Apologizing for everything. But haven’t heard back.”
She tapped her fingers on the table. “I don’t think you should just randomly show up. At least not yet.”
I adjusted my glasses. “I know. It will scare her. I just…fuck, Ellie. I don’t want to lose her. I knew it would be hard, but this is killing me. I don’t think it’s over. I can’t let myself believe that. I just think she needs time. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Liam…never in my life have I seen you behave this way because of a woman. I could tell you two had a connection even on the day we found you in the jungle. And then again at dad’s party. Even though you’re so different, the two of you are perfect for each other. You fit. But Cerise has convinced herself she is supposed to act and behave a certain way, and you have shaken that up for her. She’s lost and confused and doesn’t know how to handle all the change. And if she’s as uptight as you say she is, she really hates change.”
“So what the fuck do I do about it?” I groaned, my forehead finding my palm.
“Give her space. You said you knew her friend, right?”
“Sort of. Emberly is kind. We get along well.”
“Well, then. Stop contacting Cerise for now. If you bombard her with endless letters, it will probably backfire. Why don’t you talk to Emberly? See what she thinks? Find out how Cerise is doing.”
It was a good idea. Emberly seemed to think Cerise and I were good for each other and had been pleased when I stole her away at the gala. Perhaps she would be helpful. Maybe give me advice on how to earn Cerise’s forgiveness.
“All right,” I responded with renewed hope. “I’ll call her.”
Chapter 41
It’s Time
Cerise
Isat at my desk at the front of the lecture hall, the room silent as my students took their exams. Normally, I would walk the aisles to observe each and every one of them. Not that I thought they would actually cheat, but it made me feel better to know they were truly working independently. It was a habit I had been unable to break.
Until now.
I couldn’t find it in myself to care any longer. And that was a problem. Since I missed my presentation several weeks ago, I’d been feeling like a ghost wandering to and from work. A wraith who just existed. A former shell of myself.
I did my job and taught my classes but my heart wasn’t in it.
I pushed myself to focus on the test I was currently grading, begging for the clock to hurry so I could go home. I didn’t want to be here any longer. In this stuffy room and uptight university filled with pretentious staff and colleagues who now regarded me with pity, obviously having heard about my faux pas.
They didn’t want me anyway, it seemed. My research wasn’t good enough. My proposal wasn’t good enough. My lack of discoveries? Not good enough. I couldn’t even maintain a romantic relationship. Not good enough for Liam either.
Iwasn’t good enough.
All of my fears had turned out to be true. I was too uptight. Too lost in my own career to put the needs of others before my own. I was selfish.
The comment Liam had made about me being just like my mother still echoed in my head, playing on a loop. I knew he didn’t mean it—just like I didn’t mean the things I said—but I still couldn’t help but wonder…
I wasn’t like her. Was I?
The last student rose and brought me their test. It was Aaric, the graduate student who had accompanied us on the expedition. I gave him a fake smile, hoping he didn’t see the misery behind it.
“Thank you, Aaric. I hope you have a good rest of your day.”
He smiled back and paused. “Doctor Thornheart…sorry for being so bold, but are you all right?”
I sat up in my chair and straightened the collar of my shirt. “Of course I am. Why do you ask?”
“It’s hard to explain. You just seem…different. Almost sad.”
My heart lurched. “You are so sweet for caring. I’m all right. Just some personal things going on. It’ll all work out. Thank you for thinking of me.”
He nodded, seemingly satisfied, as he handed me his test. “I—well, whatever it is. I hope you’re okay and I hope you know that you’re my favorite teacher.”