My thumb moved instinctively over the song that Thay had sent me and pushed play. When his voice hit my central nervous system, I closed my eyes, needing him to hold on just a little longer.
fourteen
Daphne: Imposter Syndrome
The windswept eyes of the Pacific Ocean are forever wild and feral. Its boundless, untouched landscape remains rugged and unsettled, jutting into craggy depths, looming ominously behind a veil of heavy clouds. It is violent. Morally hidden. And never apologizes.
Maine felt… different. It was like stepping out of a rain cloud into something you could touch. Sure, like Seattle, it was salted, but it carried a certain heat that crouched deep into your lungs and stayed there. I watched it unfold from the back seat of an Outback, feeling like an imposter. Knowing it was too bright. Too warm! The color of things that break. It was as if the world had turned itself inside out and emptied of theonething that could ever make it real.
“The yellow cabin is yours,” a peppered voice said, pointing at the small house perched at the end of a rocky outpost.
I looked at it, still feeling the numbing effects of Nathem’s present in my bloodstream, glancing at my phone to see if Thay had received my text. It was ten, which meant seven at home.
“Am I the only one here?” I asked the blue-eyed man. He had crumpled wrinkles, and I particularly loved the way his black beanie folded around his ears.
“Yeah. Mostly. My nieces and nephews sneak in sometimes, if you know what I mean.” He winked, and I took a step back. “Nell and I are up the road in the main house. The numbers are on the fridge. If anything gets weird, there’s a panic button by the sink.”
I paused. Wait. What?
“I am sorry? Panic button?”
“Yes. It activates an alert on our end. You hit it, and we’ll send someone out.”
“Like the Bat Signal?”
“The what?” he leaned in, stretching his ear so he could hear me better.
“Bat Signal? You know, like, Batman.” I swallowed. “Big light in the sky? No?”
“No, hon, it is a panic button.”
“Okay,” I buried my amusement in a cough. “Sounds easy enough.”
“Also, if a storm comes, do not freak out. This cabin’s survived hundreds of years of wrath, and I think it might be her favorite.”
The thing about Seattleites, or whatever the fuck they call us, is that we don’t share the stormy reverence of beach dwellers whose entire cadence runs in sync with the tides. Those humans live further south. Nope. Seattle just stepped around the Puget Sound like it does everything else in its way.
“Emerson is one of the best!”
I blinked, wondering who that was. Celeste had not filled me in on the details of this internship, my responsibilities, or what it would actually entail. And my stupid sensory system, flashing Thay in big red letters, hadn’t thought to ask.
“He delivered Mae’s baby last spring. I’d trust him with my life.”
“Trust is the greatest thing one person can give another,” I said with a grin that didn’t quite land.
Aside from Thay, the only soul I trusted was Wolfe, who broke a little bit of me yesterday. I knew I could never be his in that way, but it did not stop me from feeling like he belonged to me. But it wasn’t just him. Lyla would belong to all of them, and while it might be fucked up, my entire body screamed,treason.
“Here.” He tossed the key into the air, and I missed, making a face when it bounced into the rocks by my shoe.
“I hope you’re better at catching babies!”
Funny guy. I bent to grab it.
“We left you some food in the fridge, and someone will come by tomorrow to fill you in on the next steps.”
“Thanks, George.” I nodded, waiting until he turned to fetch my luggage from the shadows.
George and Nell, I thought, loving the way their names lingered perfectly on my tongue. Nothing sounded sweeter than the idea of forever, and for a quick moment I wondered what Thay would look like, worn and comfortable underneath the weight of a black hoodie. Or how the silver in his hair would fall into his eyes while he sketched in the dark at our thrifted table. It was almost too much to want. Life. Being old. Knowing everything didn’t break you.