Pain flared between my ribs when I watched the air in his mouth gather, compress, then claw its way down his throat.
“But I don’t have to go.”
The longest we’d ever spent physically apart, not counting the times he’d been in jail, was seven days of pure hell. And not in the romantic sense. I am talking night sweats, heartbeats that felt like a linchpin, diarrhea, strange fevers, and the overwhelming feeling that some part of you was about to die. However, nothing compared to the mental gymnastics required to remind yourself that you were a grown-ass adult, even while keeping the window open and having just walked a human life into the world after eleven hours of labor.
Wolfe was not being dramatic when he pointed out the time bomb that framed our codependency. But it wasn’t our faultthat our hearts had formed into each other, creating a truth that neither of us could escape.
“Yes, you do,” he responded quickly, sitting up on his knees, keeping me trapped beneath him. “This is a big deal for you, and you’ve worked too damn hard just to walk away because of our fuckedupness.”
My lungs contracted, and I winced.
“Fuckedupness?”
“Oh, come on, Daph.” His dark eyes followed my face. “Don’t romanticize this shit. You know none of this is right. We shouldn’t need each other like this.”
Pain flared behind my ears, and suddenly I felt very naked. I understood how messy we were, but I was tired of waiting for him to stop giving a damn. There was no magic pill or amount of therapy that could ever undo our lives. But whenever he started talking like this, it made me think he wanted a world without me. One where I did not muddy up his insides or complicate the darkness. One where he was free… from me.
I sat up, tugging the sheets from under his legs to wrap them over my breasts.
“Don’t,” he ordered, grabbing my wrists. “I am not trying to be an asshole. I’m attempting to make you understand I am not a good enough reason for you to stay.”
My adult brain knew he was right, but the space between my ribs only fell deeper. Because love isn’t supposed to let you go.
“Do you ever wish you hadn’t climbed through my window?” I slid to the edge of the bed and stood, using my arms to cover myself as I scrambled for the blue dress. “And somehow avoided all ourfuckedupness?”
“Daphne,” he growled, pulling me around to face him, but I pushed back, moving into the bathroom. “Daph!”
“Because you make it sound like your life would be a hell of a lot better without me in it.”
I slammed the door and hit the lock, squeezing myself into the backless sundress that was far too sheer for this time of year. Now that Wolfe’s clothes were out of the question, maybe I could snag a hoodie from Nathem, Jessie, or Blade on the way out.
“Better?Daph, I would be dead without you.”
Thay filled the doorway the moment I cracked it open, refusing to allow me to pass.
“And I would crawl through your window in every lifetime, Daphne,” his voice crackled. “Because you are the only fucking good thing this world ever gave me. But I will not pretend we’re not broken as fuck, or that we don’t have to learn how to live with this shit. I won’t be the reason.”
“The reason for what?”
“The reason you die, or worse, fade away, because you sat down in some goddamn hole, I can’t crawl out of.”
“Thay!”
“Don’t say you wouldn’t,” he said, stepping forward until our hearts connected. “Because you would. You’d burn the world for me, but I don’t want you to.”
“Then what the helldo you want?”
“I want you to live in it.” His eyes burned bright. “I want you to have good things.”
A tear slipped free before I could catch it, and it fell to the floor in a uselessdrop.
“Goddammit, Daph, I want you to sleep with the window closed,” his ribs broke, “and know you don’t need me. Because you don’t.”
He straightened, swiping his forearm across his face, and I lunged, throwing my arms around his shoulders in a strangled hug.
“Not need, Thay. Want," my voice shook. “Iwantyou.”
His chest hurt, and he caught my wrist, pushing me back from his body.