I wanted to tell him what had happened to me. Like he had told me what happened to him.
“I didn’t even know it was wrong,” I said.
Forrest frowned, watching me…but listening.
“I didn’t—” I paused, twisting my hands again. “I was raised that way. Not with the Daleys, with my family…up in Oklahoma? And then when I was sixteen, they said they—” I stopped again. “—they traded me for one of Mr. Daley’s daughters, and…and I became his wife. His fourth wife.”
I didn’t want to look at Forrest. It was so embarrassing—so disgusting, now that I was saying it out loud. Not at all like a novel.
I kept my eyes on the table.
“He wasn’t cruel exactly,” I said. “Never hit me or anything. He just…he had rules. Rules about everything. What we wore, where we went, who we talked to. You didn’t question the rules because the rules were God’s rules and questioning them was the same as questioning God.” I let out a short laugh, because if I didn’t laugh I was going to cry. “That’s what they said, anyway.”
Forrest hadn’t moved.
He was probably judging me. I wanted to sob.
But for some reason,I kept talking.
“There were four of us,” I said. “Wives. I was the youngest, and the others had been there longer and they just…stopped expecting anything different. I think I did too, for a while.” I reached up to turn the empty mug of soup, peering at the orange longhorn silhouette on the side. “I tried to be good. I tried to do everything right. I thought if I was good enough he’d leave me alone, and then I thought if I had a baby he’d leave me alone, but then four years went by and there was no baby and everyonelooked at me like I was broken and the other wives looked at me like it wasmy faulthe wasn’t leaving them alone anymore?—”
My throat closed.
“And then I think I just…I stopped thinking they were God’s rules. So I started saving up money. Little bits everywhere I could find it. And I…I stitched it into my dress, and I ran. I ran as fast as I could.” My hands clenched too tight around the mug, knuckles white. I ran as fast as I could, and this was the farthest I got.”
Silence. God…no, please, I’d said too much?—
Warm, big hands closed over mine.
And I looked over to see that Forrest was kneeling beside me…touching me.
“What happened to you wasn’t your fault,” he said. “None of it. Your whole life you’ve been told what to do by…by evil fucking men.”
I could tell he was actually angry. But…not at me. It was all directed at the people who’d hurt me.
And that…
I should have said something, should have said thank you, or I know, or yes, they were evil, Iwon’t go back?—
But I did something stupid instead.
I stared at him…looked into his deep brown eyes, let my eyes flick downward to his lips.
And then I just?—
I leaned in fast and I kissed him.
It was over too fast, but in that split second…it felt good. Heat shot through me, filled me up, erupted inside me. My breath came fast, hitched, I moved my hands and practicallyfellout of my chair to get closer to him?—
He pulled away, his hands firm on my shoulders now.
“Willa—”
“I know,” I said. My face was burning. “I know…I know?—”
“We shouldn’t,” he said, his brow furrowed.
But I could feel his breath against my lips.