“I am being nice. I can be honest while being nice!” she challenges. “Anyways, you both have always loved each other. My guess is you still do. And judging by the look on your face, I know my assumption is correct,” she grins.Christ. I wasn’t even aware I was making a face. But this is good, ruthless honesty is what I need. This is why I called her. “Kai waited for you in high school for years. I’m sure he’ll wait as long as it takes for you both to figure this out.”
“What if he can’t forgive me for…everything?” I grate my bottom lip with my teeth, tears forming in my eyes.
“He will, you know that. But you also have to give him the opportunity to do that. He can’t forgive you if he doesn’t know everything, if he doesn’t have all the facts,” she states, letting that comment sink in.
Fuck, I hate it when she’s right.
“But I don’t think that’s what this is about. At least not entirely. At some point, you have to stop punishing yourself for decisions you made under duress when you were barely an adult. This is about whether you want to do the hard work with himand for him to repair things.” She pauses. “Is that what you want?”
“Jesus, spoken like a true therapist.”
“Not a licensed therapist yet but thank you. So, is that what you want?” she repeats herself.
“Unequivocally yes. What if that’s not what he wants?”
“Somehow, I doubt that, Kendall. I don’t think we’d be having this conversation if that were the case.”
“I’m scared that it’s all going to blow up in my face and worse, Akio will get attached to him and if things don’t go well, I don’t want him to get hurt,” I admit.
“I know, but the only way out is through, babe. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but what about couples counseling? It might be helpful, you know? You two have a lot of history and baggage to work through that might be better discussed with someone to help mediate, like a neutral third party?”
“Do you think he’d go for that? We’re not even a couple.”
“But you were once and maybe you will be again. My parents went to couples therapy before they got a divorce, so it obviously didn’t work for them,” she scoffs. “But I’ve seen it help improve a lot of relationships and marriages.”
“Yeah maybe.”
“Just think about it. See how the next couple weeks go and ask him if it’s something he would be interested in,” she suggests.
“Okay, thanks.”
Chapter 18
Kendall
“WhatexactlyamIlooking at here, Jenna?” I ask while she’s on speakerphone. Even though I know exactly what I’m looking at and it makes my stomach coil with tension and my body simmer with rage. It’s a slightly blurry photograph of Kai and some gorgeous super model. I know she's a model because I’m almost positive I saw her on the cover ofVoguea few months ago. A tall brunette in a crimson peacoat that swallows her thin frame. Her long legs are on display in leather pants. They’re walking out of what I assume is his apartment complex, their hands nearly brushing, a grin on both their faces. She’s just close enough to him that it looks ambiguous. Maybe they spent the night together? Maybe they live in the same building and just happened to walk out at the same time?
Maybe maybe maybe. The maybes might just annihilate me.
“That is a photo of daddy dipshit with someone who obviously isn’t you. And they look pretty cozy if you ask me.”
“Yes, thank you, Jenna. I can see that,” I observe. “It doesn’t prove anything. It’s also none of my business. He can do what he wants. He doesn’t owe me an explanation.”
So then why do I spend the next three hours giving him the cold shoulder, clipped answers, and the bare minimum of conversation?
“Are you okay?” he asks right before he leaves. His dark eyes are calculating, assessing.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’m just a little tired,” I respond, crossing my arms.
“Are you sure because you don’t seem fine. You seem upset.” He takes a step toward me and gently touches my arm. There was no point in continuing the charade; Kai knows me too well. My tells, my body language, my everything. And wasn’t this an opportunity to start being honest with him? The thing I should have done from the start.
“I saw a tabloid photo today,” I murmur, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Okay…” there are probably so many pictures and tabloids of him. I’m going to have to be more specific.
I sigh while pulling my phone out of my pocket and open the text thread I have with Jenna. Clicking on the photograph, I hand him my phone. He stares at it for a few seconds before returning his eyes to me.
“This was from a few weeks ago. It was a PR stunt coordinated by her publicist. We live in the same building and nothing happened between us, Ken.” He’s telling the truth. I know he is. Besides, he has no reason to lie. We aren’t together and the picture is dated a week before I went to his game.