“Whatever.” Ellie shrugged. “But what’s up with you? Why do you think you can’t date that hot yoga woman who lives next door?”
“Because the thought of having deep feelings for anyone other than Kelly feels like cheating on her,” Harper answered without thought.
Ellie cocked her head. “Have you not been with anyone since you lost her?”
“I’ve had a few one-night stands with women who were here on vacation. I don’t want anyone getting ideas. And it’s why Charlie is off-limits. She lives here, at least for now. I don’t really know what her long-term plans are.” Harper sighed and rested her chin in her palm.
Ellie placed her warm hand on Harper’s arm. “You know it’s not cheating, right? You and Kelly got screwed, and you were both cheated out of years together. Selfishly, I was also cheated out of the best attorney duo I’ve ever worked with.” Harper half smiled at that revelation. “I still don’t have someone I trust as much as I trusted you both, but that’s life.”
“Oh stop.”
“It’s true, and I won’t.” Ellie squeezed her arm. “Sometimesunfair shit happens. Kelly was taken from the world before she even turned forty. I lost my best friend in the universe a few years ago, and she was barely forty. I still miss her all the time—I regularly reach for my phone to text her—but she brought Atlas into my life, and he led me to Hayden. And death may be the only guarantee in life, but life has to move on after it. There’s no way Kelly would have wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone and mourning her.”
“She wouldn’t want me to forget her,” Harper said, anger—or maybe it was hurt—lacing her words. She couldn’t really tell.
“No one said anything about forgetting her. That isn’t possible. You loved her for nearly two decades of your life. But you hopefully still have four or five decades to go. You don’t have to forget her to move on. The love you feel for someone else won’t be the same as what you felt for her, but it could be something else. Something just as beautiful, even as it’s different.” Ellie’s eyes were full of compassion, and that made it even harder to hold back tears.
“What if all I can do is compare them? What if I can’t keep them siloed, and I get them confused? When it’s just fucking, there’s no comparison. Fucking a stranger is easy. But Kelly was the first woman I was ever with. The only woman I had ever been with for the first forty years of my life. The only woman I’ve evermade loveto. She was my everything. And if I find someone else, I’m afraid that’s going to dilute the perfection of what Kelly and I had.” She lay her head on the table, and Ellie placed a soothing hand on her back and rubbed circles.
“I know it’s scary, and I can’t speak from experience about moving on after losing your wife. But I do know what it’s like to lose my absolute best friend and try to continue living. Iris and I were completely platonic, but she was my soulmate. She knew everything about me and loved me anyway. And no one can ever replace her, but getting closer to other friends didn’t dilute whatshe and I shared. Nothing and no one could ever take the place of our relationship because it was one of a kind, just like you and Kelly. And look, I don’t know what having sex with someone new, whom you have real feelings for, might feel like, but I do know that your heart has an infinite ability to love. And the love you feel for someone new will never wipe away the love you will always have for Kelly. You deserve happiness.”
“I’m happy,” she responded on instinct.
“Are you? Really? Because you look comfortable. But you looked truly happy when you saw whatever her name is.”
“Charlie.” Harper nearly sighed her name but didn’t realize it until the word was already out there.
“You looked happy when Charlie opened that door.”
“I did?” She was surprised to hear that.
“You did. And you know, you have a lot in common with Hayden when I first met her. She’d lost her whole family and had these walls up to guard against anyone getting into her heart because she was afraid of losing them. Thankfully, she figured out that love is worth the risk, and I really, really hope you can figure out the same thing.”
“Really?”
Ellie put her hand on her heart. “I swear. I hope that you let down your walls enough to let someone in. And that someone doesn’t have to be Charlie. But I really hope you can get back out there. Because you deserve happiness.”
Her words bounced around in Harper’s head even after she and Hayden headed off to take a “nap.” Which Harper didn’t believe was the real reason they were headed back to their hotel and felt an unexpected pang of jealousy. But she was happy that Ellie had taken time out of their romantic trip to track her down. It felt good to catch up with an old friend.
And while she hated to admit it, maybe she had built up walls because she was afraid of being hurt. The people she loved themost had abandoned her, not intentionally, but Kelly and her parents had left her way too early, and it wasn’t fucking fair. And the thought of going through that again was terrifying.
But Ellie wasn’t wrong when she’d said Harper was happy when Charlie was around. Shewashappy when they were together, and that hadn’t been true for Harper about anyone or anything in years.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlie had been looking forward to this evening since Tuesday, when she’d finally gotten up the courage to ask Harper to go with her. Using their informal bet as the reason was a stroke of genius, especially since she knew Harper had been avoiding her and had been at a loss on how to stop it. She’d realized just how much she appreciated their burgeoning friendship when Harper was suddenly missing from her life for two weeks. It had really hurt—especially since they’d both been so open and vulnerable that night on the pier—and made her determined to reestablish a connection, so she was ecstatic when Harper had agreed without a fight.
After spending entirely too long trying on everything in her closet—which admittedly hadn’t taken long since she didn’t own a whole hell of a lot—she’d decided on wide-legged cream linen pants, paired with a white tank top with a few red flowers on it.
Harper had beaten her to the landing, and Charlie was struck seeing her hair down and flowing around her shoulders. She’d never seen Harper without a ponytail or bun, and she was…breathtaking. Even more so as her smile grew when she looked Charlie up and down.
“You look amazing,” she said.
“This old thing?” Charlie smiled as she twirled, letting the wide legs of her pants swirl around her legs. “I just threw it on.”
“Since thatI heart Key Westtank top you were wearing when we met was the only shirt you owned at the time, I knowoldisn’t an accurate adjective here.” She laughed, and Charlie’s skinfelt warm. She wanted to blame it on the air but knew it was Harper’s presence.
“True. And I’m not telling you how much I tried on before I settled on this outfit. But you’re looking pretty great yourself.” She circled a finger in the air. And Harper did look fantastic in those high-waisted black shorts and rust-colored sleeveless V-neck that revealed an enticing amount of cleavage.