My stomach knots into sickening lumps and my heart gives an awkward flutter that I don’t understand.
You belong with me.
I don’t though. I don’t belong with anyone, or to anyone, least of all him.
Still. The way he said those words and forced them out of a raspy throat, raw with emotion that wasn’t completely anger, did something to me. I feel my pulse hammering at my neck and I don’t understand my body’s reaction. I should have twisted away in fear and disgust. Ididleave. Ran. But in the car, I let the unrestrained tears cascade down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them anymore than I could stop the wicked heat that spread through my veins, unchecked and unwelcome, disconcerting, and confusing.
I’d stopped at every light and pressed my forehead to the cold steering wheel, searching for some relief from the flames turning my body to ash.
Unbidden, the scent of Gage, a dark male scent, spicy and earthy, washes over me, a memory so powerful that it’s almost like he’s standing right in front of me and I’m drinking him in all over again.
I give my head a shake and find Leena staring at me anxiously.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to check out on you.”
“That’s okay.” Leena eyes my empty water glass, as though it’s the safer place to look. “What if he refuses to sign the papers? Is there anything else that you can do? That your lawyer can do?”
My throat closes up, but my heart beats harder and I don’t know if it’s panic or a wild thrill that I feel—maybe both, and that scares me the most. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just straight up hate him?
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I think so. I mean, there must be, because I’m sure that tons of people have this problem. Where the other person won’t sign. They can’t just force them to stay married forever against their will. There has to be something that Anna can do.”
“Anna?”
“Sorry. My lawyer.”
A small smile twitches over Leena’s lips. “You should never be on a first name basis with your lawyer.”
“No?”
“No. For one, it’s way too expensive.”
“It is,” I admit. “Good thing I make good tips waitressing. And I’m done school now, so I’ll be able to get a real job soon.” I don’t mention my plans for getting the hell out of my apartment. Maybe even Tampa. It’s too personal, and I’ll never be able to explain. Not completely.
“There isn’t anything wrong with waitressing. And I must say, I’m jealous. I still have two more years to go.”
“What do you do during the day then, if Wraith doesn’t want you to work?”
“How do you know he doesn’t want me to work?” A funny frown creases her delicate forehead.
“I don’t know. I guess I just know that you aren’t. I figured it had something to do with him. They all seem to be overbearing and controlling, even if they’re doing it in a nice way.”
“He’s not like dad, if that’s what you mean. He gave me the choice of working or not. My classes are pretty intense and just because I take them at night and online doesn’t really mean that I have anymore free time than anyone else would. I study during the day, work on my papers, that kind of a thing. He didn’t want me to have to work at some crappy job that I hated and then have my grades suffer because I don’t have time for everything.”
“Or more like, he wanted you all to himself.”
“He’s gone during the day most of the time,” Leena says softly, but I see that now-familiar light spark to life in her eyes. Her whole face softens. “He’s busy in Jacksonville with club business. It’s a long drive there and a long drive back. I could work if I want. He’s not controlling at all. He just assured methat we have enough money and I don’t need to until I’m ready. He’s been teaching me to paint. Did you know that he paints?”
“No. I didn’t know.” It was strange, thinking about a leather-wearing biker doing something like that, but I bit down on my tongue, knowing Leena wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment.
“And I get to spend my day with Abby. She likes going for walks. She has less anxiety when I’m here with her than when she gets left by herself.”
“Is it weird? Having a dog in a wheelchair?”
“No. I guess it was a little bit strange at first,” Leena admits, “But I loved her right away. From the second I saw her. I loved her before I even loved Wraith. Maybe I loved him because of Abby. I don’t know. I just knew that I couldn’t hate him when I found out he had a dog in a wheelchair and saw how much he adored her.”
“Don’t even think about it,” I nearly snap when I see the hope lingering on Leena’s face. “Gage isn’t the same. He doesn’t have a dog in a wheelchair. He’s not artsy. He’s not even nice. What you see is what you get with him. He’s an asshole. A big brute who likes to throw his weight around. It would never have worked out.”
Because even if he wasn’t any of those things, I’m too damaged to ever be with another person in any real capacity.