“I may have lost some things in the past, Joy. But I get everything I want. Including you.”
She takes another step back, her breath faltering. Like she just completely misinterpreted what I said.
I’ve never fucking said that to another woman before.
“Joy.”
She keeps taking steps back away from me.
I stay seated on the lounger, watching her put more distance between us.
“I’m going back inside. I just… need to be alone.”
I clench my jaw, watching her go, making sure shedoesactually go inside.
She steps out of the sun, walking down the stone cloister until she’s back inside. Only then, can I take my eyes away.
It’s funny. I always preferred being alone until I met her.
20
JOY
I stareout of my bedroom window as the sky turns gray. All the puzzle pieces are starting to join.
That’s why Galina was so afraid of me ‘breaking the rules.’
She thought Valerian would kill me.
But does she know the truth? Does anyone?
The sun has been gone all afternoon. I rise from my bed. Head out onto my balcony. The sky is full with rainclouds, and they’re finally starting to burst.
Rain falls over the mountains in the distance, heading this way.
Valerian had his reasons for killing his wife. But he never told me.
I like him. And I can’t. Because he could be keeping other things from me. The only reason he told me this story today is because of Igor.
For some bizarre reason, it feels like a betrayal. Even though Valerian has never owed anything to me.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you don’t keep secrets.
But the same old shit keeps repeating.
This is the third time someone’s hiding parts of themselves from me.
I slump into the balcony, crossing my arms over the edge as the rain comes down heavy. It hits the roof like nails, drifting across the courtyard. Palm trees blow in the wind. Raindrops fall into the pool, distorting the surface. The loungers where me and Valerian were sitting a few hours ago are completely wet, the wood soaked through.
I crane my neck, looking at the side gate where two new guards are standing, getting wet in the pouring rain, clutching their guns. They’re standing in the same place as the ones before them, both of whom are now dead, their bodies wasting away at the top of the San Bernardino mountains.
As for Igor and his friends, they’ll be looking to strike again.
After that conversation with Valerian, I understand things a little better. Igor wants me away from this house. He wants to knock Valerian down, and I’m his best shot at doing that.
Which says a fucking lot about Valerian and his feelings for me. I didn’t think he had any. But he must feel something, otherwise his son wouldn’t be trying to come between us.
I don’t know how Valerian feels about me exactly, but Igor must have seen something. He wouldn’t be striking otherwise.