Today, I’mnotexhausted. I’m fucking angry. They’ve both pissed me off. Seeing Igor brought back feelings I thought I buried. For a while, I felt safe with him. I felt like I was finally being listened to.
I remember something new, a smile, a nice moment we shared, and realize it was all bullshit. And the anger comes back around again.
His father is grinding my gears too.
I start swimming lengths, pushing away water, channeling my fury into something more worth my time. Obsessing over Valerian isnotworth my time. He took away my freedom. And now he’s taking away my rights to touch myself.
I reach the end of the pool, flip-turn against the wall, and swim the other way.
My plan is to swim Valerian out of my mind. He’s in it way too much.
And my feelings for him are so conflicted. I shouldn’t be opening my legs for him. He doesn’t get to see me naked. He took everything away.
I don’t have a phone. A laptop. He won’t even let me text Mom and let her know I’m still alive.
What was I thinking letting him touch me?
I swim harder, dipping my hand into the water, ripping it away to thrust myself forward. Mom will be getting worried. We text every day.
And yoga is tonight. Lila will be wondering where I am. I haven’t been at her place for three days. I never got to hear about her date with the club manager.
Valerian messed everything up.
And yet I still want him to fuck me.
I continue doing laps. I need my head to shut up, just for a moment.
Mom worries. She’d be the kind to file a missing person case with the police. Things could get serious.
But it seems Valerian always comes out on top. He’s a father. A Bratva leader. The very fact that he’s made it this far in life proves he’s undefeated.
For all I know, he has connections with the police. After all, he’s well known in the public eye.
I stop swimming for a moment, dragging myself to the wall for a break. Lila saw me researching him the day I was kidnapped. She could put two and two together, maybe…
But I have an issue. I don’t want to leave just yet. Not until I have my fill. Valerian owes me. He left me hanging when I was right on the verge of coming.
I pause, realization falling over me. There’s a reason he left me on that table alone last night.
He knows my next move before I know it myself…
That bastard…
He knows I want him to fuck me. Which is exactly why he walked away.
I glance over the wall, seeing the guard stationed at the side gate, keeping a beady eye on everything. Valerian sure makes it difficult for people to escape his premises. But it’s not impossible.
And with everything on his plate right now, he probably doesn’t want to deal with his wife trying to run away from him.
He’s keeping me prisoner by refusing to give me the one thing I want from him.
I wish I didn’t want it so much.
But my body’s in flames every time he’s close.
I push off from the wall again, killing the thought.
But swimming isn’t doing me any favors. I’m thinking about Venice Beach when I took a dip in the ocean. A hand clamped around my ankle, pulling hard.